Future Gymnast

I took my hand off her for a second ... and that is all it takes. I reached for the Boppy pillow which I've done with one hand many times and I hear that dreaded thud sound. I look over in horror at my crying daughter FACE DOWN in the opposite direction. How did she do that?

Numbly I pick her up, hear Jai say something like "what happened?" and I reply "she fell." Luckily she seemed OK, mostly stunned I suspect, we didn't see any bruises or blood thankfully. Crying naturally from hitting the ground (thank goodness for cushy cork flooring) and of course she was hungry.

Jai said my face looked so sad and pathetic, like he couldn't look at me, it was so sad. I figured a fall was inevitable, at some point it would happen, children are movers, especially as they learn how their body works. As I told Jai, I hoped it wouldn't be on my watch ... not on my watch! Just like the first piece of "china" after we got married. I thought for sure it'd be Jai who broke some plate or bowl first; nope, it was me!

We've decided that Julia is destined for gymnastics - she has some strong legs and she used them to push against the back of the couch. First she was a breech presentation (we think when my water broke because she wasn't breech 4 days earlier at midwife appointment), now a flip off the couch.

In an earlier post Jai mentioned planting the tree in the front yard - a climbing tree. We had a GREAT tree in our front yard, awesome for climbing which my sister and brother and I did constantly. Luckily none of us ever broke a limb (on our body) [I fractured my collarbone playing touch/TACKLE football].

I hope we can say the same for Miss Julia. I suspect I will have more white hairs soon enough. : )

5AM - another milestone

5am - Julia fell.

I was partially awake b/c she was screaming for food. I thought it was taking longer than normal but I heard Tara trying to calm her and then...THUMP and WAAAIIIILLLLLL.

I jumped out of bed and a very confused Julia was screaming in Tara's arms. Julia launched herself off the sofa onto the floor...thank God for cork flooring. She was responsive to noise and light, he allowed herself to be soothed, she ate, she spitup, she smiled, and she talked. We called the doctor but got no call back...5 1/2 hours later, as I am writing this, we still haven't gotten a callback. I'm quite disappointed about that b/c we really like Julia's doctor.

We watched her, she dozed. I poked her every 10 or 15 minutes if she was quiet and motionless just to make sure.

Tara just called. Julia ate again and I could hear her talking in the background.

We have been initiated.

See, Julia is kicking up a storm and when she has something to push against she takes advantage of that. This morning Tara turned away for a second, Julia, in her frustration kicked against the back of the sofa and tossed herself over the edge.

Returning to my other job: 4 more weeks

I am scheduled to return to work at Goodlettsville Middle School on April 29. That is when my FMLA ends; otherwise I have to pay 100% of our health insurance (don't want to do that - EXPENSIVE!).

If I don't go back and get on payroll, I won't get paid this summer. 3 more months of no income is not a good choice, especially with the current economic situation.

I'm looking forward to leaving the house and driving to work in my car ALONE. 20 minutes of commuting alone time - ahhh, sounds wonderful! No carpool either, sorry environment!

I love you, Julia, but mommy needs a break.

Bonus: it will be only 4 weeks before June and then I'll be home again for 2 months. Jai will get a practice run at being a SAHD (stay-at-home-dad).

TIME ALONE
MONEY
HEALTH INSURANCE
WORK COMPETENCE - I hope after 4 months I still have it! : )
4 WEEKS UNTIL SUMMER BREAK
JOY TO RETURN AND SEE JULIA

Those are some good things about returning to work!

Pumping - it can be a good thing

See "Free at Last" for early days

In late January we bought the Medela Pump in Style breast pump as recommended by the first lactation consultant. Kind of wish we'd rented a hospital grade pump first to see how it went. Oh, well, live & learn. It enabled me to get some breaks and keep Julia fed ... or so I thought!

Then the weight crisis happened & I used the pump EVERY DAY 6 times a day. Not so much a fan of the breast pump now.

However, it is very helpful to make sure you drain the breast and make more milk, especially needed to supplement the few weeks in February. It was nice to take a break in early March once Julia gained consistently.

Wish I could use it more for opportunities to be away from Julia (I love her, but I need a break sometimes) ... however, it is a double-edged sword. It gives milk to whomever is watching her so she's happy and the adult is happy (hopefully), but unless I have the pump with me, my window of freedom is short (2-3 hours max) as the breasts become full and engorged and uncomfortable. Just writing the word "engorged" seems uncomfortable.

Now I'm creating a stash as I prepare to return to work in a month - try to pump once or twice in the morning when the breasts usually have more milk. I've decided to go back, especially as it is for 4 weeks, it is the end of school year, hopefully a less stressful time. Thankfully my FMLA ends after TCAP testing is finished - YEAH! It has been a long time since I didn't have to deal with TCAP.

Hopefully though once I'm at work, I'll be able to produce enough milk to keep her fed the next day. We will see ...

Quercus Bicolor Is Here!

Before Julia was born I had the idea to plant a tree. Our yard was devoid of trees and At some point after that I had the idea to solicit family and friends for $$$ to offset the cost of the tree...a gift for Julia. Only one person took me up on that offer.

Yesterday Mike and the guys from Growild came out and planted the tree, removed a dead tulip poplar - very sad - and made some suggestions for landscaping.

This picture above is obviously not our tree (Go here for the full page of info). Ours - I'll post photos later - is about 10' tall and bare right now but this will give you an idea of what we are in for!

Thanks Michele!

More Nicknames

Droolia Julia - do you like the rhyme?
The girl can drool - started about 3 weeks ago. Gosh, it is a constant stream of usually clear liquid. Sometimes it is a milky color when she cannot keep all the breast milk in her. I'm always encouraging her to keep in her - it's good stuff, don't waste it. I work hard and she does too to get it in her. : )

Jai adds: She's not close to teething yet.

Another name that goes with drooling is Bubbles. She LOVES to make/blow bubbles with her mouth. She's really enjoying all things related to her mouth, especially now getting those thumbs in there successfully. I find myself constantly wiping her down and her clothes are usually soaked around the neck. Sometimes I have to walk away because it's so cute!

Monkey - I cannot think of anything to describe why I call her this, but it fits.

Jai adds: Monkey because she is all limbs, her arms and legs seem to all move in different directions at the same time.

Target Lady - if you watch SNL then you know to what I refer. Hilarious skit depicting an enthusiastic Target employee (funniest skit ever might be the one with host Ben Affleck as a UPS delivery person with ... wait for it ... cornrolls who speaks for lack of a better description "ghetto"). Anyway, Miss Julia "talks" with enthusiasm quite often and raises her arm with a fist pump as if to say "that's great!"

Jai and I (and others) find ourselves smiling and laughing at Julia's expressions and behaviors FOREVER. Sometimes I have to make myself walk away - it's hard to get anything else done when you're surrounded by constant cuteness. We suspect that we might be creating a monster. You know when you shouldn't laugh when someone's doing something wrong because they'll think it's OK. Not that Julia's behavior is wrong, it's silly mostly.

Anyway, check in with us in a few years, especially during the "terrible two" year(s). : )

Before you know it

Much to the relief of Tara (and me - more b/c it is a relief to Tara) Julia weighed in at a whopping 10lb 6oz today. That means Julia has gained the optimal 1 oz/day. WOOOOHOOOO!

Tara adds: she also grew another 1 cm in head circumstance and 1/2 inch in length. She is a big headed, LONG baby! : )

Tara has struggled over this weight gain issue but I confidently and maybe a little naively said everything was fine. It is fine. Julia is eating her way to breast milk bliss!

Tara adds: yes, everything is fine. Thankfully Julia gains ... her way! We've decided that Julia is likely to be a small baby/child in width, maybe tall. She still wears 0-3 months clothes, but some are snug in the crotch/length area. Oh, well, she's cute!

Besides that she can grab her toes and she continues to babble continuously and smile when she catches a glimpse of me or Tara.

We can see it now...

Mr. S, Mrs J. If Julia applied herself to her schoolwork the way she applies herself to talking with friends she would be a "straight A" student.

Thanks to the family and friends who helped us.

All Breastmilk, All the Time

I haven't written much of anything about the weight crisis. It was a hard 6-7 weeks. Almost like you cannot describe, yet everyone with a baby, especially breastfeeding moms, knows some of what you're experiencing.

The regiment/schedule was brutal.
1. Nurse Julia (30-40 minutes - she's slow AND sleepy)
2. Put her in the Pack N Play to entertain herself (usually if I was alone this is what I had to do) while I pumped (15-20 minutes to pump, additional time to clean up materials); hopefully she'd nap sometimes
3. Feed Julia a bottle of expressed breast milk (10-15 minutes)

Then I would need to rest(or eat or shower maybe if lucky) or play with Julia before starting this process over again - every 3 hours!

I hardly watched TV (sometimes when I pumped) or checked my email. I didn't go to the gym or even exercise at home. I didn't leave my house except for La Leche League meetings (twice a month) or weekly weight checks at Julia's doctor (ANXIETY producing!). I always had Julia with me, too, so that meant I got no time alone. That is hard for anyone, especially someone like me who needs exercise and alone time to recharge.

Someone asked me or Jai or my sister or my mom (I got reports from them) why (or when) I didn't use formula. At first that wasn't a consideration - it really didn't occur to me. Breast milk is best for your baby plus it's free (regardless of the time required). Then I started to go crazy - how do you live this life?!?! Formula became an option - almost every day I said "FORGET ABOUT IT, I'm done!" Many times I told Jai "tomorrow you're going to have to get some formula." Me, Tara, the breastfeeding advocate and resident cheapskate. However, when you're tired and no one else but you is feeding that baby, you explore alternatives.

It is all the time. It is my job, everything else can wait (other than food and sleep). Luckily it's temporary as many people tell us - breastfeeding ends, sleep deprivation improves, you have a different routine. My goal used to be feeding to feeding, then it was day to day and week to week, now I try to reach the next month. Right now my long term goal is 6 months and we start solids. Then breast milk won't be her only food. It still is the majority food source, but not only.

I'd like to make it 1 year which is best according to World Health Organization and before you can feed cow's milk even though we don't drink/eat dairy usually. If we make it to December 8, I'll be surprised and elated. I also will be happy to stop. It isn't really my thing. Maybe because it has been a challenging experience, yes, that is part of it. However, like with pregnancy, I could take it or leave it with breastfeeding. I enjoyed most of my pregnancy, didn't have problems, but I'm not a woman who had to be pregnant. Same with breastfeeding. It's a cool process, neat that my body produces food for a baby to eat and all the equipment is attached, ideally you can do it anywhere. Actually legally you can feed your baby anywhere you are allowed to be, public or private. Unless it is someone's private home and they ask you to stop; if that happens, you want to leave their home.

I am envious of women who have mothers who breastfed them. It is a valuable resource; many women my age are part of a "lost" breastfeeding generation. We have heard MANY stories of struggles with the baby weight gain issue too (I suspect those growth charts are created by formula companies) as well as breastfeeding challenges. Luckily more children are getting breast milk, even if in combination with some formula. Hopefully that means more girls will grow up to breastfeed their children and have supportive partners to encourage them.

I'm lucky to have a wonderful partner in Jai & Julia is lucky to have a great dad.

You crack me up!

You crack me up!
Originally uploaded by bmitd67

Julia is like this most of the day.

I have the happiest baby ever!

Crisis of Weight

Some of you might wonder why things have been so quiet. Well, Tara and I had to tackle our first postpartum crisis. Last month when Julia went for her 2 month checkup she was severely underweight - 1st percentile (.pdf)- which classified her as "failing to thrive". This was despite all the other criteria which said she was fine...length, head circ, mobility, alertness, demeanor.

The doctor suggested that we supplement with EBM. She wanted us to do 3 oz, 3 times a day and come back in a week for a weight check. Tara did that and through the extra feedings and lots of spitup Julia gained half a pound, which proved she could gain the weight. Dr. Robinson suggested we repeat another week. In the mean time Tara got more info and we started feeding Julia smaller supplements more often. Again we did it and Julia gained almost 1/2 lb. We have continued to do this until this weekend. In the last week Julia gained 5 oz which is the low end of the normal range for breastfed babies.

So one her 3rd month birthday Julia weighs 9lbs 7oz. She's still smaller than many but she is gaining weight and as you can see by the previous video and this photo she is bright eyed and bushy tailed.

This post doesn't touch the emotional toll this process is taking on Tara. I have stated for years that she is the stongest person I know and this process has brought her to her knees. DO NOT let anyone fool you, breastfeeding might be natural but it is not easy.

There are all sorts of things you can't factor in and if you've never breastfed before its almost impossible to figure everything out. Believe me when I say that you will most likely be the exception to ever suggestion you get about how to breastfeed. The stories will sound similar to yours but they will not be. My suggestion mirrors what I read on DIY Father this week. Listen to the suggestions but do your own research and follow your gut.

As for me? I'm struggling too but I feel it pales in comparison to Tara. I am attempting to keep everything grounded, not let the frustrations get in the way of us being parents. I am attempting to keep Tara, me and Johnders fed. I am attempting to keep our dog from losing his mind. All the while I am clenching my jaws (Literally. This is how I react to stress.) and powering through.

Thanks to Edgehill UMC, Goodlettsville Middle and other friends for keeping Tara and me fed. Its appreciated more than you know.

3 Months & Counting!

Julia,

Happy 3rd Month B-day!

Your Mom and I decided to give you a couple of vaccinations for your birthday. We know you deserve more but that's all the monthly birthday fairy left for you.

You took it all in stride and are a princess among princess wanna-bes.

Love,
Mom & Dad (or whatever you decide to call us)

Discoveries abound

Last week my baby found her right hand.

She hasn't found her left hand yet.

Julia In Motion

Father-Daughter Talks

Neither Tara nor I have said much recently and its time for that to change. 

Tara and Julia have been on an intense lactation diet for the last 3 weeks (Julia came in very light on her 2 month weigh in, details later). The adults are running on fumes and frayed at the edges Julia is living life to the fullest. She is laughing and smiling and kicking and chattering all the time, I think we are gonna get some notes from the teachers "Julia talks in class", "Julia won't stay in her seat", etc. 

When I last left you I talked about Julia the vampire well during this lactation crisis we have gotten so much information and so many suggestions that Tara's head is swimming and she is uncharacteristically indecisive. Some of which has to do with lack of sleep, some is too much info, and some is Julia the vampire sucking out her Mom's brains and confidence.

Last night Julia and I had the first of what I hope will be many quiet, one-on-one discussions. I felt I needed to explain that she had to help her mother by doing her part of the feeding. She had to try and stop falling asleep on the breast and she had to try and improve her latch. I told her how confident I was in her ability to do this and I explained that without her help an already difficult job (producing and feeding milk) was more difficult when she didn't do her part. Eventhough she didn't seem to pay much attention to me I knew when she smiled that she had understood what I was telling and asking of her.

Things are getting better already but I know now that they will get exponentiallly better.