New Signficance of Dates

July 19 is the date of Julia's baptism. It is also the 5 year anniversary of Rich's death (Tara's stepfather). I forgot about it until Bonnie mentioned it a few weeks ago.

June 18, 2005 is our wedding date. It also was the 10 year anniversary of aunt Judy's death (Bonnie's sister). It seems positive and hopeful to celebrate a commitment and re-frame the meaning of that date. I don't know if my cousins feel that way about our wedding, but they attended the ceremony and reception.

I'm excited about Julia's baptism, have been for weeks.

Then we met with Judi, the pastor at my church, on Monday, and I got even more excited. We discussed the meaning and significance and why it is important for Julia to be baptized. It was really interesting talking with her and listening to Jai's reflections, too, on what it all means.
One of the major considerations for me is the community aspect, the witness and support of the congregation. We cannot raise Julia alone. We realized that in February in particular when members brought us food as we worked to get Julia to gain weight. Edgehill UMC is one part of our village.

I love water, don't know why, probably because it makes you clean. : )
I like the sound water makes - running in the shower/tub, rain on the roof, splashing in the pool.
I really enjoy when people get baptized.

Judi described various methods of the baptismal water:
Sprinkling
Pouring
Immersion

Judi recommended we make a baptism book in order to have a visual reminder of this event. We can look at the book and photos and talk about what happened on that day. We also will have her baptism candle which we'll light every year on July 19. I'm excited about that too!

Then over the next day or so, I spoke with Mike, one of her godfathers, about some concerns Chad, the other godfather, might have about being appropriate given his feelings about religion. Susie is Julia's godmother. After asking Chad & Mike & Susie to be Julia's godparents, I didn't give it much more thought. Susie is Julia's aunt; Mike & Chad are her uncles. They are our very good friends, Mike was one of Jai's attendants in our wedding. They are important to us and therefore to Julia and we value them as supportive people in her life. They are perfect candidates for the role. However, I am grateful for these opportunities to reflect and consider what it all means.

Julia reminds us daily of that attention to details. The joy of discovery, it's all new to her.
We adults seem to forget along the way, we get busy, and "don't stop & smell the flowers."
Everything is new to Julia so we know that is part of it, but it is so genuine. Recently she was studying her sun hat, turning it one way, then the other, then inside and outside. Back & forth, over & over again. Cute to watch. Julia was so fascinated with it.

I cannot believe I am referencing the TV show "Army Wives" which sometimes I'm surprised I watch. However, I like it. Anyway, in a recent episode, a couple with a young baby close to Julia's age is preparing to baptize their daughter and they are trying to find the right place. The wife character is similar to Jai in terms of not being someone who regularly attends church; the husband character does. The conversation they have with the pastor of the congregation where they ultimately decide to have the dedication reminds me of our conversation with Judi as well as some of our feelings about the experience. Community is a huge part of it.

My dad, step-mother, brother and sisters who live in North Carolina will be here. Bonnie & Buddy will be here. Hopefully my brother, Joel, and nephew, LJ, will be here. Some of my childhood friends will be present. It is a celebration of this new life and a public commitment from us all.

I cannot wait! : )

Our Wedding Anniversary

We had a wonderful time at dinner at a local Asian restaurant in our neighborhood, Watanabe in Riverside Village. It was great to be alone, first meal without Julia. We actually talked about a few topics other than Julia! : )

We got to eat at a leisurely pace (anything is slower than the "shovel it in fast" method!) from appetizers, soup & salad, rolls and dessert. We got the combo tempura, miso soup and seaweed salad, and unique & attractive Firefly & Spider sushi rolls. Dessert was a beautiful fried ice cream concoction that we got to go because we knew our time was limited (that was something to eat there).

It was all yummy!

Thanks, Rose Mary, for watching Julia for us. We know it was a mutually beneficial arrangement, but it is greatly appreciated!

It was nice to celebrate 4 years of marriage and 6 months of parenthood - lots of happiness!

Ultrasound #1 (14 weeks)

In between trips in June, Jai & I went to see my midwife for visit #2 and it happened to be on our anniversary (Jai was off as we traveled back from Providence that morning). We were excited for the opportunity to hear the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler machine. However, it wasn't to be that day. It was scary because the midwide (not Soheyl) said there were 2 possibilities. One was that there was something blocking access to the baby, like the placenta. Finally she said the other possibility ... NO HEARTBEAT. Oh, my gosh, now this thing got real! Prior to today the pregnancy hadn't seemed quite real. Basically I felt OK, I hadn't grown out of my regular clothes, and miscarriage was a lower risk at this point. However, the possibility of baby no longer living made me/us really sad, especially on our 3rd wedding anniversary and in anticipation of hearing an exciting sound. This baby was a real part of us and our lives now.

Jai would like to add

at that moment my heart sank, my stomach knotted, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be hopeful. I really hadn't thought much about the baby for many of the same reasons Tara explains but I just didn't know what to think.

Fortunately, Tara had a tennis match and we had Johnders with us so Tara went to play, Johnders and I went to the dog park at Centennial (btw, this is the crappiest of the dog parks in Nashville). This gave us a little time apart and a little time to focus on something else so we could come back together and be supportive and optimistic.

The suggestion was we have an ultrasound to confirm the baby's status. Unfortunately we had a late afternoon apppointment and wouldn't be able to check until the next morning and hopefully get an appointment. UGH! Talk about a bummer. To top it off, I had a tennis match in an hour and I was leaving for England in 2 days. Summer league (3.5 level) started in mid-June while I was out of town and I had many matches to reschedule and play. I guess it was a good distraction though I lost the match - the other woman was good! Neither of us said much that evening - we didn't know what to do or feel - be sad or scared or both. I'd read that sometimes you don't always hear the heartbeat with the Doppler machine even at 14 weeks. We didn't want to prepare ourselves for something still unknown.

The next morning Jai went to work and I called for an appointment as soon as possible. Fortunately I got an appointment at 1:00pm and arrived early ready for an answer. Once in the ultrasound room I hopped on the table/bed and the tech got started. Almost immediately there were images on the screen though I'm not sure what I'm seeing. However, the tech pointed out a blinky thing and answered my question of "what's that?" with "your baby's heartbeat." WHEW! I got a little teary eyed because again this was a reminder that this alien as I fondly refer to the fetus was REAL and alive. I have an anterior placenta which can cover the baby from foreign objects wanting to bother she or he.

Jai's lunch hour is 1-2pm so I left him a quick voicemail message and then called him again at 2pm to share the happy news. What a relief! The tech printed a few photos for us - they are fascinating to examine. You see such clear parts of the fetus yet still there are kind of fuzzy parts. It definitely looks more like a baby than not.

I didn't plan on having more than the one ultrasound at 20 weeks, but it felt good to see my alien's heartbeat.