Meeting the Grandparents

Today I was feeling kind of melancholy as I returned from the doctor's office. Julia and I were driving down Gallatin Rd and I had this headache but got the urge to stop into the National Cemetery asking Julia if she wanted to meet her grandparents. (It sounds so morbid when I write it.) Anyway, we pull in and I have a pretty good memory of where my Mom and Dad are buried but its been a long time and as I drove in the place has changed. They have built some buildings and I wandered a little. I ended up at the "cemetery marker kiosk". I found the markers pretty quickly, I didn't remember the tree they are buried under but its nice to see them under a tree.

Julia wasn't so much into it, she is only 5 months old besides she was tired - she hadn't napped well since 7am. I was more overcome than I expected. I'm always surprised when I get emotional about my parents. I don't think about them often so I guess when I saw the two of them lying there - well, the grave markers - it made realize how much I really do miss them. In Sept it will be 25 years since my mom died and in June it will have been 13 since my dad died.

I am sad that Julia won't have the chance to meet them nor they her but she will have the stories about my parents and the knowledge that although they weren't terribly happy with each other toward the end of my mother's life they had, at some point, been happy enough to bring me into the world and nurture me enough so that I, along with Tara, can now nurture her.

One day we will talk about my parents but for some odd reason I thought no better time than today as the moment of introduction.

Grandparents

Yesterday would have been my mother's 84th birthday. I didn't give it much thought until my Aunt left a message. Tara asked what it was all about and proceeded to ask if it meant anything and I said not really. 

I mean I miss my Mom and I really hate the fact that she is not around to share the milestones:
Eagle Scout - 1984
high school graduation - 1985
Spain - 1988
college graduation - 1989
moving out of the house - 1992
Tara - 2003
baby - 2008

Of course, this opens the whole can of worms about how my life might have been different if she were still around. Would I have gone to Sewanee, or Spain, or Baton Rouge? Would I have met Tara? Would my Dad still be alive? Would they still be married?

The timing of the baby is interesting b/c if the baby comes on time it will be 2 days after what would have been my Dad's 90th. It is possible that my child will be born on my father's birthday. That's cool but there again I miss my Dad for many of the same reasons. He died 12 years after my Mom so he saw many of the milestones I mentioned above, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. ;-)

For a lot of reasons I don't think about their deaths the same way as my Aunt does. She really, REALLY, misses her family (she is the last member of her parents' nuclear family left) and it weighs her down. My parents cross my mind a lot and I would say, most often in that "what if" mode. I see changes in the world and in my life and I would love to have their input.  The thought is usually gone as quickly as it arrived. I have my periods of depression, or as my Mom said, "feeling blue" but they aren't terribly overwhelming.

I do wish my child had the opportunity to know my parents. I knew my grandmothers but not my grandfathers and unfortunately my child(ren) will follow suit. I guess I have the opportunity to make them into mythological beings, which isn't such a bad opportunity. Besides we always have Bonnie and she will make up for everybody else who's not around.