Fathers are key to toddler development | DIYFather.com - It's great to be a dad!

I read this somewhere a while ago but its nice to see it in print again. Yea Me (and men like me)!

Fathers are key to toddler development | DIYFather.com - It's great to be a dad!:

"As part of the investigations, kids aged 12 to 18 months (accompanied by a parent) were placed in three different risky situations: social risk (a strange adult entered his or her environment), physical risk (toys were placed at the top of a stairway), and a forbidden activity (parents were forbidden to climb the stairs after the child succeeded the first time). "We found fathers are more inclined than mothers to activate exploratory behavior by being less protective," says Paquette. "

"Paquette is convinced that mothers and fathers intervene differently in the education of a child and these complementarities benefit a child. 'Even if both parents change diapers and give the bottle, they don't do it the same way,' says Paquette. 'By stimulating exploration, controlled risk-taking and competition, fathers provide something different to the child who will benefit greatly from this singular contribution.'"

Fraternity Initiation

Walking around with Julia this past weekend I felt like I had been initiated into a fraternity, and I guess on one level I have. Everywhere I went other men, presumably fathers, would wish me a Happy Father's Day and I got this sense that they were also saying "Now, you are one of us."

I thought it was cool. I am now in that fraternity of fathers, older than the Freemasons, older than Omega Psi Phi, older than Skull & Bones and more inclusive than any of them.

I skipped membership in fraternities throughout college and post college but I am now a very proud member of Delta Alpha Delta (Δ Α Δ) or Dad.

Technorati Tags: fathersday, fatherhood, fraternity

Powered by ScribeFire.

----------------
Now playing: Larry McCray - Delta Hurricane
via FoxyTunes

Father-Daughter Talks

Neither Tara nor I have said much recently and its time for that to change. 

Tara and Julia have been on an intense lactation diet for the last 3 weeks (Julia came in very light on her 2 month weigh in, details later). The adults are running on fumes and frayed at the edges Julia is living life to the fullest. She is laughing and smiling and kicking and chattering all the time, I think we are gonna get some notes from the teachers "Julia talks in class", "Julia won't stay in her seat", etc. 

When I last left you I talked about Julia the vampire well during this lactation crisis we have gotten so much information and so many suggestions that Tara's head is swimming and she is uncharacteristically indecisive. Some of which has to do with lack of sleep, some is too much info, and some is Julia the vampire sucking out her Mom's brains and confidence.

Last night Julia and I had the first of what I hope will be many quiet, one-on-one discussions. I felt I needed to explain that she had to help her mother by doing her part of the feeding. She had to try and stop falling asleep on the breast and she had to try and improve her latch. I told her how confident I was in her ability to do this and I explained that without her help an already difficult job (producing and feeding milk) was more difficult when she didn't do her part. Eventhough she didn't seem to pay much attention to me I knew when she smiled that she had understood what I was telling and asking of her.

Things are getting better already but I know now that they will get exponentiallly better.

Partnership

According to the doctor on her 2 month appointment, Julia was failing to thrive in the weight-gain category - she's gained 1 lb in six weeks and she should have gained about 2 lbs, if I understand correctly. I'll deal with all the emotional components later but the practical end was the Dr and a lactation specialist came up with a couple of game plans to help Julia get to her benchmark 1 week later (gain 6 oz) which she exceeded by 2 oz! The gameplan is for Tara to feed herself and the baby and do little else for the next 10 days or so. Which means either the house isn't clean and food is not cooked or I do it. We chose the latter. With a whole lotta help from friends I am picking up the slack.

What does that mean? It means I don't stop moving. Its only been a couple of days but damn! Here was my President's day looked like:

8am - change & feed Julia
feed Johnders, nurse Johnders (he came up a little gimpy Sunday evening) & show him some love, eat
feed Tara while Tara pumps.
drive to/from doctor's office
change Julia, prepare lunch while Tara feeds Julia
wash dishes & eat
feed julia
fold laundry
prepare dinner, change julia
feed johnders, eat
clean bathrooms (while the women goes to a La Leche Meeting)
laundry, dishes
feed julia
1am - change julia, go to bed

Today I am at work and I can't help wonder how Tara is managing and therein is the rub. I have been surprised to hear how complimentary, genuinely pleased and maybe even surprised that I am willingly pitching in at all, let alone that much.

But seriously what else am I supposed to do? Why would I respond otherwise, why would I not do whatever is in my power to help the woman I asked to share my life with and the child we created together? Is it that hard to understand that feeding a baby is serious work? The way I see it is right now Tara is responsible for 99% of Julia's physiological growth (the other part coming from exercising, kicking, crying, etc). Her muscles and organs need food to become stronger and more efficient. Tara is her sole source of food. Tara needs food to maintain her metabolism so that she can pass on the good stuff to Julia. That means Tara is working hard (invisibly, I might add...it looks like she's just laying there) but I can tell how hard she is working.

Is this a representation of the 21st century man? Am I redefining manliness or masculinity as being able to feel the tenor of a situation and then respond in a determined, serious yet compassionate and understanding manner. At the very least Tara and I vowed to each other, and yes, we did it before God, community and government, to "have & hold, through good times and bad". Why are people so surprised to see this happen? Why is it so difficult to do this, if you aren't doing it?

"Jai" has been replaced with...

"Hey, Would You..."

I know, I know. Tara is working her ass off trying to feed this adorable little baby so the least I can do is be errand boy but sometimes it feels insane. She will say "Hey, Would you..." or some variation something like once every 30 seconds.

Calendar Challenged

Tara suggested she check the email before I sent it but I was confident in my ability to do it right.

I didn't take into consideration that I had been up for 30 hours and had watched Tara deliver a baby and that baby was mine and I had never held a newborn and it wasn't just a newborn it was my baby and it wasn't just my baby but it was my baby girl and I don't know anything about girls, how am I gonna be a father to a girl, what do girls do and holy crap! This is a real baby and so on and so on.

All that to say Julia was born 12/9/08.

Are you excited?

Everybody keeps asking me that.

I'm nervous not excited.