Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm already making news!

Julia here.

The Tennessean finally found a spot for my birth announcement and photo. My mom & dad sent the photo and notice in weeks ago, one of their favorite staff writers even sent a congratulations but they sure took a long time to find a spot for my info.

Now that they know me, I know they won't delay so long the next time.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

"Jai" has been replaced with...

"Hey, Would You..."

I know, I know. Tara is working her ass off trying to feed this adorable little baby so the least I can do is be errand boy but sometimes it feels insane. She will say "Hey, Would you..." or some variation something like once every 30 seconds.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Friday, January 16, 2009

vacuum cleaner - my savior!

I love this invention. Sometimes (many times) when it seems like nothing will get Julia to sleep, I will turn on this cleaning device and voila, asleep! It is a miracle worker. A nice by-product is a room gets clean at the same time, too! Win-win for Tara, love to multi-task! : )

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Family Bed

The first few weeks we had the crib in our room next to my side of the bed. With the surgery recovery it was difficult to get up and down from the bed to feed Julia. We didn't think to put the crib on Jai's side and have him hand her to me! : ) However, we improvised and used the wedge thing we have in her crib and put her on it in the middle of our bed. It worked and since it was a temporary solution we didn't worry about her separating us - limited snuggling opportunity anyway! : )

We moved her crib back to the nursery last week and so far so good. Jai gets up and changes her diaper before feedings and then brings her back to our bed. I'm trying the lying down position with modifications with some success. It allows me to be more comfortable in bed and sometimes I can close my eyes and rest. Unfortunately the baby monitor generates awful static so we keep our bedroom door open and listen for her sounds - luckily the nursery is really close. Jai doesn't seem to hear Julia as well as I do!

When asleep Jai doesn't wake up as quickly. (Jai added comment)

We're glad Julia seems settled in her space and we have our bed for us. We read about doing the co-sleeping idea and creating a family bed, but decided it wasn't what we wanted to do. Hopefully all will continue to go well.

Monday, January 12, 2009

A Big Thank You

I've only talked a little about JohndersFloppy Ears so it is at this moment I want to thank the people who dumped him at a La Quinta Inn in Alabama. Tara and I couldn't have asked for a better precursor to Julia and now that Julia is here we couldn't ask for a better family friend and protector.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Free at Last!

Yesterday I was having a hard time, nothing going right, lots of crying.

I wanted to work on pumping in order to give enough breast milk to Bonnie who was going to watch Julia while Jai and I saw a movie after church. On Friday I worked with a postpartum doula, Joni M., (thanks to a wonderful baby shower gift from a co-worker) on using the breast pump & successfully pumped 1 oz. from one breast in only 5 minutes. I naively thought it would be easy to produce more for Sunday's date yet didn't pump anymore that day. We thought Jai could feed Julia (a treat for him!) and see how she'd react to the bottle nipple. No problemo - Julia will get her food however necessary! Of course I had to provide part 2 of J's meal. : ) However, I didn't realize how precious that 1 oz. would be!

Anyway, having a hard time ... didn't know how to feed Julia while storing milk. When do you do it when the baby nurses often?! I don't want Julia to be hungry. She already has these skinny arms & legs that make me call her "baby Gollum."

We (Jai) go to the computer and search the World Wide Web. : )

Despite the helpful information, I only managed to pump 2 oz. in 2 different sessions. Also Julia was very fussy and wouldn't sleep more than 10-15 minutes so that means Tara didn't sleep! At some point I said to myself I need a break. I realized that I had not been ALONE in 30+ days - like completely alone, not just taking a shower or taking a nap, but away! When Jai got back from dog park & grocery store I was going somewhere, anywhere (even though it was nasty & raining outside) for ONE hour.

Jai got home at 4:15pm, I told him the plan, gave him some instructions about Julia's last feeding and diaper change and I left. I drove to Ugly Mugs coffee shop near our house, got a piece of banana bread (yum!) (ironic since I make it all the time!), sat and read my 2 week old copy of EW. Heaven!

When I returned home at 5:30pm, I discovered an empty bottle ... the 2 oz. of pumped breast milk was gone! Jai hadn't heard/listened to my instructions and Julia seemed hungry and he fed her - he was so proud of his accomplishment. I said to Jai "I guess we're taking her to the movie with us ..." Then I went to the bathroom and cried for about 20 minutes! : (

I was so sad - how was I going to produce enough breast milk? I'd read that you have more milk earlier in the day and I struggled to get those 2 oz. However, you know Tara, I'm determined, I want to see a movie!

Jai said he didn't know why I was pumping, didn't remember the connection with the movie date and Bonnie. After talking with Jai about communication : ) and eating some dinner, I tried again & got 1 oz. out of me. This morning I woke early and got another 1.5 oz. before we left for church. Bonnie wanted 6 oz. - yeah, right! She almost got 1/2 of that!

I fed Julia at church and at Bonnie's house before Jai got there. We left at 1:20pm, show time is 1:40pm at Green Hills theater, got there to a long line. However, I had our seats at 1:39pm and saw previews as people continued to stroll into the theater and search frantically for seats. We saw "Slumdog Millionaire" which I think is the best picture of the year. It is awesome! It was fascinating to see scenes of India - almost 15 years since I traveled there though I didn't go to Mumbai (or Bombay as it was known then). However, the stories of poverty haven't changed.

We called Bonnie at 3:50pm. Julia was sound asleep. She'd already eaten the 2.5 oz. - Bonnie paced her : ) - though no need to rush. Actually we got there and visited with Bonnie & LJ, Julia was still asleep and didn't wake until we got home. HUGE success! : )

Bonnie and I have a DATE on Tuesday to see a sneak preview of "Revolutionary Road" (thanks to my Nashville Film Festival membership!). Jai will have the opportunity to watch Julia alone for a few hours ... hopefully I'll be successful at providing him with 6 oz. : )

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Miss Personality

Even at 4 weeks old (and before), we know Julia has got some personality. This girl already seems like such a character! It might be gas (that's what you hear), but she already smiles, almost beams at you as if you are the best thing ever, and laughter will soon follow.

Every parent believes their baby is the most clever, awesome, beautiful, brilliant (and additional positive adjectives). I used to laugh and think how nauseating and now I am that parent! Julia completely fascinates me and I find myself compelled to stare at her. Actually she has an amazing ability to stare - I would not want to be in a contest with Julia as I would lose!

We feel extremely lucky as we call Julia our zen baby. She is usually calm and peaceful (as long as her meal ticket isn't taking too long). People said the baby would probably be calm outside the womb since she was calm while I pregnant, but you never know. No guarantees!

All babies might make these hand motions, but I've never heard anyone mention it (though I usually didn't listen to those kind of baby details from other parents):
rock star - she did this one the other day with her fingers; we chuckled
flipped off - that middle finger seems conveniently UP too often : )
fists - Julia keeps her "dukes" up, especially while nursing - don't mess with her food source!
prayer - she folds her hands over one another, adorable
yoga pose - Julia has put those 2 fingers together a few times



Tara forgot to mention the diva pose - one hand behind her head



Staring at the ceiling fans - we discovered that our friends' 5 month old son, Sam, does this often too and we wondered what is with it. Most of the rooms in our house have fans, but Julia & Sam stare at light fixtures too. We suspect it is the contrast of dark on light, but we didn't think babies could see that far at this age. Who knows, but she points her stare on the ceiling just as she does people.

Swaddle Houdini - that's one of our nicknames for Julia. It doesn't matter how well we think we've wrapped her in a blanket, Julia's hands/arms eventually escape the wrap. Extremely frustrating! Our friends loaned us one of Sam's "magic" swaddle (that's what I call it) which is an awesome invention. Amazingly Julia is able to wrangle her way out, but not as often as with the traditional blanket wrap.

Julia makes all kinds of movements & noises, grunts and sighs and those stretches! One of her funniest is the snort. Julia loves to suck and the breast can only be available so much. Once she discovered her fingers, life was good. Now Julia works on getting her thumb in mouth and the snorting began! Last night she successfully kept it in for a minute or so and the expression of bliss was priceless (as was the sound of silence as the crying ceased). Julia has long fingers and that thumb and people mention piano playing (thankfully we have one, needs tuning).

Julia is one determined girl & the most AWESOME baby ever!

Friday, January 9, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Julia is ONE month old today!

WOW - time flies!

Bonnie called and sang to her! : )

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The way I see the world


The way I see the world
Originally uploaded by bmitd67
Julia was breech so this is an apropos photo, don't you think?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

La Leche League meeting

Today I went to the day LLL meeting in Nashville. I attended an evening meeting in November and really enjoyed my experience with these wonderful women. I was excited to return to a meeting with my baby!

It is encouraging to be surrounded by all these awesome & empowered breastfeeding (and some pregnant as I was at my first meeting) women, an opportunity to share experiences and also get feedback if having issues. The meeting typically includes a training/educational component. The diverse group of women and their children creates such a lovely supportive environment which I really needed this week in my efforts to breastfeed effectively.

As I arrived late (it seems like my new calling card) they were introducing themselves, their child and his/her age and also what you like about breastfeeding. Today's topic was about the basic fundamentals of breastfeeding. I, of course, shared that I like the free aspect of breastfeeding, not necessary to buy formula or deal with bottles. There are many health benefits for both the mother and child. Also the emotional connection to your child builds trust and bonding. There is also the convenient aspect of breastfeeding in terms of readiness whereever you are, again no need for bottles and formula.

Someone mentioned the connection between mothers and daughters who breastfed which I never thought of. Bonnie didn't breastfeed us (she listened to the doctor). However, it seems understandable as it must be very challenging with TWO babies. Having a daughter it makes me excited about Julia breastfeeding her children, possibly a daughter, in the far future!

Another woman mentioned the generational gap - a large portion of a generation who didn't breastfeed. Women (my mother's age) were told that breast feeding was inferior (poor people's food) and formula much more superior. Bonnie is an example of that generation who didn't breastfeed and therefore cannot share that experience with me. She also mentioned the incidence of cancer, so much now, and the possible connection between not breastfeeding, having consequences for both mother and child, especially a female child.

One of my favorites: how the exposure of breastfeeding impacts young children, especially boys. The woman shared about a boy hearing a baby cry and saying "someone needs to nurse this baby." I think of LJ on our first evening home from hospital and how he helped me position a pillow in order to feed Julia. Most 14 year olds might be embarrassed to even know what I was doing, much less assist me.

We are powerful women and we make milk to feed our children!

Monday, January 5, 2009

No sleep for the weary

Yesterday Julia decided that crying is better than sleeping.

As far as we could tell there is nothing really wrong with her, her temp was at the low end of the acceptable range, her diaper had been relatively poopless. She was eating and burping but after 5pm she did more crying than not. It got worse around 9:30pm when Tara and I got a little short with each other. We tried every trick in the book (literally) to help get her to sleep. Finally at 1:30am I decided to try something one of my "new father" books suggests - let her cry it out, unattended for 10 minutes. I changed her, swaddled her as tight as I could manage, turned the lights off and took a shower. I heard her cry through the entire shower - my mind was racing wondering what was wrong. As I was toweling off at about the 8 minute mark, her crying slowed and by the time I was out she was was asleep. She slept the rest of the night ... thankfully!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Why Mothers are the Best Thing in the World!

... and husband and sister and friends ...

I feel very blessed to have lots of support. I am lucky to have my mom, Bonnie, in the same city. I realize that many people are not as fortunate to have family and friend support.

week 1 Jai was off work and at the hospital Tuesday-Thursday & then at home Friday-Monday, also Bonnie was with us at the hospital and home Tuesday-Saturday during the day
week 2 Jai returns to work on Tuesday, Bonnie is with us Monday-Friday during the day
week 3 Bonnie is with us on Monday, Susie arrives Monday night and stays with us until she leaves on Dec. 29, Jai was off Wednesday-Sunday
week 4 Bonnie was with us Monday & Tuesday during the day, my first day alone was Wednesday (New Year's Eve), Jai off for New Year's Day, again I'm alone on Friday

I really wonder how couples without resources, or especially single parents, handle the overwhelming work of being new parents. Despite the amount of reading Jai and I did and do, we constantly feel like we don't know what we're doing. Instinct and common sense help, but sometimes we are perplexed and paranoid about Julia's welfare, especially during the LONG crying moments.

Anyway, back to my mother. Bonnie was with us every day while at the hospital, then when we went home until my sister arrived and then Susie was with us until she returned to Phoenix. We suspect it was so Bonnie got to hold Julia as much as possible! : ) We're lucky she says hello to me and Jai before demanding to hold Ms. J. Sometimes she has to bide her time & visit with me if I'm breastfeeding when she gets to our house! : )

On the days she doesn't come to our house, she calls and checks on us. Bonnie is an invaluable resource - good suggestions, sounding board, confidence builder, especially with the breastfeeding challenges. Even though she didn't breastfeed Susie and I, she is constantly supportive and advocates for Julia and I to succeed.

Normally I see my mom regularly, usually every Sunday at church, and then at biweekly knitting group meetings. In addition I saw her almost every other week for healing sessions during most of the third trimester while pregnant. However, it has been really nice to have hours of time with her to talk about various topics, most parenting-related, especially during the many hours of breastfeeding.

Initially we processed the birth experience. I feel sad that we had to leave my mom alone in the L&D room as first I left to be prepped in the O.R. and then Jai joined me there. I remember hearing her say "make sure someone comes and tells me what happens." She was there to be our coach as well as welcome her first biological grandchild into the world and she lost that experience. Luckily she met Jai and Julia in the hallway as they went to the nursery.

I stare at Julia for hours and sometimes J looks like Bonnie which we all have noticed though usually I see Susie in her. That makes most people laugh since S and I are twins & therefore Julia looks like me! : ) However, Susie & I are not identical twins, despite some thinking otherwise. When I think of our baby pictures, I recall that S has a different shaped face, more oval shaped. Anyway, it has been neat for Bonnie to examine Julia for family features. She hadn't been able to identify with the other 4 grandchildren (my brother Joel is adopted if you didn't know) in that kind of way. However, we all think Julia looks like her cousin, Jaliyah (Joel's middle daughter) who ironically I think is most like my personality (though she enjoys playing in the dirt and gardening with Grandma Bonnie).

There are usually lots of funny stories when I think of my mom. She says and does funny things as do most of us. This one really surprised me. However, I will cut her some slack. It was a very visceral response to seeing and being with Julia - overwhelmed with the love.

We're in the hospital room.
B: I have to go shopping for an outfit for her.
T: ... WHAT?!
Bonnie: She's so adorable and I need to put her in something cute.
T: (sigh) Bonnie, you know how we feel about consumerism. She doesn't need a new outfit.
B: I know, but I want to put her in something!
T: We have plenty of clothes. You can go "shopping" at the "store" in the nursery at our house.

The next week when we're at home, Bonnie goes upstairs to the nursery while I'm feeding Julia. Bonnie is putting stuff away in Julia's dresser. Soonafter I hear exclamations of "oh, that's cute" and "so adorable!" as she looks through Julia's many outfits. Some of them are not fitting yet since she's so small still, but we're looking forward to all of the future choices for Grandma Bonnie.

Another funny story about Bonnie and Julia. When Jai and I were discussing our ideas for child care for the baby, we hoped that my mom might be willing and able to watch her for one day a week. We asked her about it and she said probably it would work, but she wasn't particularly committed, kind of vague. Once we learned of the lack of a flexible work schedule for Jai, we didn't worry too much about Bonnie's hesitation to commit.

Well, the other day she tells me about a new plan that involves her watching Julia one day. She also might get some others (Buddy, Lois) to help us for 2-3 days ... Julia truly has captured Grandma Bonnie's heart! She really thinks Susie won't be able to be separated from Julia and could be our nanny. : ) Also while I'm on maternity leave, I asked and she agreed to give me some time when I need a break (go to the dentist, see a movie, visit a friend). She said she was going to offer, but wasn't sure if it was too soon!

Love it! Love Bonnie! Thanks, Mom! : )