Sleep. Who needs it?

Side Note: This is a really old post. Tara gets woken once at night sometimes to feed Jacqueline, but nothing like when the baby was 5-6 months old which is when Jai started this post!

Everybody hears about the sleep deprived parents of an infant. The baby wakes up every couple of hours all night and all day and so does everybody else, right? What you don't hear about is the sleep deprived pre-schooler and the sleep deprived infant making sleep deprived parents.

Julia refuses to go to sleep at night without a fight and a long period of staying up talking. Things have been in flux with her bedtime habits since Tara was about 8 months pregnant but they have come to a head that is about to make me lose mine. During the last months of the pregnancy and first few months of Jacqueline being home Julia would come into our bed and depending on how tired I was she would sleep the remainder of the night there. Then we go on vacation and we stay in an open plan beach house with Julia's grandmother and aunt. She spent the night in a different room each night but either stayed up late or pitched a fit and sometimes both. We came home with her aunt and every night has been filled with tantrums about being scared and endless chatter and singing after the last story is read. So, here we are another night where she is awake 3 hours past that last story. She still takes her nap but I cannot wait till we get a grasp on this bedtime thing.

Jacqueline is the queen of catnaps. She will fall asleep while eating all day and then at night she will power eat. I don't have to deal with this too much because Tara is the sole provider of food but still it means Tara is getting up and down during the night and neither of us is getting a full nights sleep.

Between the two kids and the two adults I cannot believe we are all functioning as well as we are. The worse part is that I had gotten spoiled. Julia was such a good sleeper that now I am flustered and frustrated by her new pattern.

Nashville Snow Fun - Jan 2011

Julia, You Cannot Sit on Daddy's Head

That alone is a funny title!

However, many times Julia tries to sit on Jai's head.
She thinks it is OK to do and of course we laugh, then tell her not to do it.
Confusing! : )

We think it is part of her large motor development.
Julia's trying to figure out how her body works and moves and what she can do with each part.
It's pretty funny to see though I don't think Jai really enjoys it! : )

The First Cold/Fever

Julia inherited my constitution, or so it seems. She can eat anything without adverse effects, she's hot-natured, and she doesn't get sick. Of course, I have to throw in that studies show babies who are breastfed for their first year are less likely to get sick which makes the timing - 1 month after she weaned - of Julia's first cold interesting...

About 2 weeks ago she got really congested but it didn't seem to have much affect on her. We started with the humidifier and eucalyptus infused steam baths combined with J/A/S/O/N Cooling Mineral Gel Tea Tree Pain Reliever (essentially the same as Vicks Vaporub). The congestion seemed to clear up and then Tues night I put Julia to bed at 6pm and she slept until 8am, which was a little unusual - about 2 hours longer than normal. The morning progressed as usual but at lunch she was crankier than her usual "Feed me NOW!" cranky. She eat as much either. I put her down for a nap, she slept 2 hours but seemed tired still so I left her. She slept for another hour and woke up really hot to the touch. I took her temp with one of our thermometers. It read 103.1 but she wasn't acting that sick - she was a little slower than normal but happy and chatty and playful none-the-less. I didn't think to take it a 2nd reading. I laid her back down and she tried to doze off while I called Tara and Bonnie (left a message). I looked it up on the Internet and didn't see any reason to be alarmed and since I haven't gotten really sick in years I wasn't too worried. Tara got home, held Julia and she went back to sleep. B/c of all the sleeping I started to get nervous. We watched TV but I couldn't concentrate and I was hyper alert listening for her.

She woke up at 8:30pm and seemed much perkier. Her temp was closer to 100 so we brought her down for a dinner of oatmeal and milk. Then we gave her a bath and took her back to bed. She was quiet but I had horrible dreams all night.

This morning Julia woke up at her usual 6:40ish, her temp was 99.8 (which is apparently 98.8 orally) and she had some oats, banana and milk, as usual. I let her play a little in her room and laid her back down for a nap. She slept for 2 hours, her first morning nap in months.

Julia has given us no worries (other than the slow weight gain) in these past 14 months and I now have an idea of that knot in your gut when something is wrong and you can't do anything about it. This incident again reminds me of what a carefree baby I have; she's inquisitive, healthy and happy. I am also reminded that I am an extremely fortunate man.

Grateful Journal

I named this post many months ago, but didn't write any comments. It was a thought I didn't want to forget... that is what I resort to now.

During my P.P.D. period, one of the ideas was to write daily in a grateful journal. I started in March; it was wonderfully therapeutic to identify good elements in my day. It helped me make the big & overwhelming seem manageable and positive. Occasionally I read past entries and one common theme is how frequently I mention Jai.

Julia too of course!

Jai is the best husband/partner and friend. He truly has been a rock, especially the past few months. He doesn't get any more rest than me. Jai continues to cook our meals, clean, grocery shop, care for Julia while I'm at work. Sometimes it seems like a lot more compared to me working and feeding Julia. Yet it takes a lot of energy to produce milk & feed/pump for Julia.

That is how we organize our family/life responsibilities right now.

I am grateful for many wonderful things in my life!

Happy Monthiversary.

My dearest Julia,

Welcome to your 10th month. If it is anything like the last 9 it will be filled with wonder and joy. Shoot, by this time next month I have no doubt you will be walking and you might even be talking. You will have seen my alma mater and you will have attended in your Grandma's wedding. I know there are a million skills and talents with which you will impressive us. I have nothing but confidence in you.

I want to thank you for raising the level of happiness in our home. Your mom and I love each other a bunch already but you help complete the circle. Although its been less than a year I feel like I have known you all my life. You drive me crazy but you bring me comfort. Your smile is captivating and a wonderful welcome every time you see me. You keep your mom and me rolling in laughter even when we are most uncertain about how to make it through the day.

I want the best for you in all things and I am infinitely grateful you have been a part of my of my life for the last 9 months.

Have fun.

I love you very much.
Dad

Sooo? How's it going..?

Filled with pregnant pauses, I get this question every time I talk to somebody about my career change.

Well...(insert pregnant pause)

It is going pretty darn good for me and I think for Julia too. I knew and I'm pretty sure Tara knew that this type situation works better for me than Tara. Why? (insert pregnant pause) Because I don't work well with narrowly defined schedules, I need room to grow, at least that's the way I like to think of it. Now, don't get me wrong. I've been as frustrated and thrown off as the next person when Julia changes her own schedule but my disregard for scheduled events makes it much easier to roll with the punches.

The stay at home thing is also hazardous for me b/c I am such a procrastinator. I can leave a task unfinished AND I can find excuses to do other things instead. A free flowing schedule like feed Julia after she wakes, try to get Julia back to sleep until she wakes again and repeat gives me a crap load of latitude. I can make the best of it but more often than not I make the least of it.

So far I have spent far more time in the kitchen than I ever imagined I would. If I'm not eating I'm feeding, if I'm not preparing I'm cleaning. I have been able to space out the house cleaning so I don't feel nearly as rushed on the weekend - this is probably the best thing so far. I hate cleaning and even more I hate having a deadline for it. Some cleaning I do more often...the floors. Johnders sheds constantly. I find myself dry mopping or vacuuming some floor in this house pretty much every other day. Outside...well its been too hot. I haven't done any additional gardening, I'm not ahead on any lawn or shrubs.

We've gone to the park, mostly Shelby Bottoms, a few times. Again, its been so hot that I can't take Julia, Johnders nor myself out in the heat for too long. We've been to the library once, Davis-Kidd once, we've gone to the grocery store umpteen times. We haven't hung out at any coffee shops yet nor have we done any children social activities yet. I've watched some but not an insane amount of TV.

I am not bored. I am not lonely. I quite enjoy my conversationless hours and the noisy baby (sometimes). I spend more time with Johnders - never as much as he wants but more - and I always excited to see Tara come home.

Family comforts

I hesitate writing this but it has been gnawing at me and I have to get it out.

I've had a lot of trouble of the past few years defining the big concepts...love, values, me, and most recently family. Its well known that I am an orphan insomuch as both of my parents are dead and I have no siblings. What I do have for blood relations is limited and no I can say, strained.

I am struggling very hard with my Mom's side of the family. The family closest to me genealogically is I feel the most distant. I am struggling with how I feel about them. I am struggling about what it means to be struggling about how I feel about them. It is obvious to any observer, I think, that they care deeply for me but I am having so much trouble returning that devotion. When I am with them (in person or on the phone) all I can do is see their faults, the narcissism, the pettiness, the self-serving martyrdom and the competitiveness. This all came to a head on our most recent trip to visit. It was one of the most stressful, unpleasant visits I can remember. I found myself having to protect Tara, I felt party to a conspiracy when I agreed with Tara or when I opted to do something for Julia instead of the rest of the family...if I wanted to make sure Julia had quiet time or had a feeding at a certain time I was being to regimented and that as being a backhanded stab at Tara's need for order because other family "are flexible" and don't have to be anywhere at a certain time. Or I was being compared both directly and implied to other family members.

Compare this with a trip to see Tara's family who were welcoming me to me as the in-law, old photos were brought out, stories were told, we ate together with no expectations, no pressure to be anybody other than us. We ate and we caught up and hung out and we laughed. There were no geography lessons, there were no quizzes. There was an unspoken understanding that Julia rules the roost, if Tara needed to feed her, Tara is given that space and time. If Julia needed a nap we found a way (as often as possible) to make that happen. The vibe for most of the trip was unforced. I don't think Tara was put in a position where she felt I was being unduly pressured or snide comments about the way I handle myself.

I have a theory that if you disregard individual personality that the difference between the two families is socio-economic and socio-geographic (if that's a word). On one hand you have a family of consistent and over achievers, a black family which is 4 generations out of slavery and 3 generations out of college and most of those college graduates completed some sort of graduate level degree. It appears to me that there is so much middle class frustration and disappointment. No matter what you achieve its not enough, the grass is always greener, if I don't keep pushing I will let someone down. Then the family moved from South to North which added removed them further from the ebb and flow of nature and spirit to the start and stop agitation of urban life...you have to keep moving till the lights go out and in the city the lights don't go out. Where as the part of Tara's family we visited still lives on the land they were raised or within a couple of hundred miles. They are 3 generations from slavery but far fewer college and professional degrees. They accept, sometimes reluctantly, the ebb and flow of available work and and life's changes without turning it into a big drama.

How strange that I came away from a weekend with the in-laws less stressed than a weekend with my relatives.

I accept that this is a simplified and even romanticized view of the family dynamics and I accept that this was the first time I visited Tara's family farm but I think I have to stick with what I've been saying for awhile...Poor Tara, I got the better end of this deal.

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Now playing: Gov't Mule - Thorazine Shuffle
via FoxyTunes

Mother's Day 2009

Today is Tara's first Mother's Day and she definitely deserves special recognition.

We all have a favorite Mother's Day stories and our favorite Mothers but I find it hard to say Mother's Day was special for me. I LOOOOVVVVEDDD my mother and therefore everyday was Mother's Day.

Mother's Day was actually stressful...what can I get my mother to make her happy, what can I do for my mother to show her I care. Oh shit! Its 3 days before Mother's Day and I need to get her a gift.

My mom died while I was in high school I have an aunt who seemed more needy of the mother's day recognition after my Mom died, or maybe it was my awareness. As a young adult most holidays became relatively unimportant and Mother's Day was no exception. Now I have a wife who has already proven to be a strong and loving mother (if you go back through this blog you will see what I mean). She worked hard to make her womb the safest and healthiest place on the planet. When Julia decided to change things (flipping into breech) Tara pulled through the C-section like a champ. When Julia struggled with weight gain issues Tara devised an ever evolving plan that has created a smart, engaged, appropriately weighted baby. On a daily basis Tara works with Julia lovingly and confidently. She brings order to the house and helps me become more confident in everything I do.

Happy Mother's Day to Tara!
From your loving husband and daughter, Jai & Julia
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Now playing: Bruce Cockburn - If I Had a Rocket Launcher
via FoxyTunes

The family that exercises together

Tara and I are opposite poles on the exercise spectrum. She thrives on high energy workouts and I loathe them. Give me a long hike or a yoga class and I'm fine. Put me in an exercise room and I can't wait to get out.

As a pregnant woman Tara's exercise became increasing limited and then there was post delivery recovery time. Now Tara is up and back at it. Tara posted a happy one month birthday to Julia; however, I think Tara was more excited about the 6 week birthday b/c that meant Julia could become a member of the YMCA and Julia could stay in the nursery. If Julia can stay in the nursery Tara can go to Zumba or water aerobics and that makes a happy Tara.

What was unexpected was the Wed. Julia turned 6 weeks we went to the Y, I suffered on the elliptical and bike while Tara did whatever. When we were leaving Tara was beaming! She was so excited b/c 1. she got to workout, 2. all of us were at the Y which means were utilizing our membership (Tara's frugality is never far from the surface).

We've gotten a routine started that includes Sat mornings, which probably makes me hate exercise more than I already did. This past weekend it also included a walk at Shelby Bottoms with Johnders in tow. The whole family out at the park!

Partners are there to support us but they are also there to challenge us. Tara is doing both when she gets me to the Y. She is challenging me & supporting my efforts to be a better person, a healthier person. I can't play around with my health (my hypertension). I want to see Julia grow up and accomplish things. Its hard b/c I'm such a procrastinator. Tara is doing her part. I need to pick up the pace on my end.

I'm already making news!

Julia here.

The Tennessean finally found a spot for my birth announcement and photo. My mom & dad sent the photo and notice in weeks ago, one of their favorite staff writers even sent a congratulations but they sure took a long time to find a spot for my info.

Now that they know me, I know they won't delay so long the next time.

A Big Thank You

I've only talked a little about Johnders so it is at this moment I want to thank the people who dumped him at a La Quinta Inn in Alabama. Tara and I couldn't have asked for a better precursor to Julia and now that Julia is here we couldn't ask for a better family friend and protector.

Free at Last!

Yesterday I was having a hard time, nothing going right, lots of crying.

I wanted to work on pumping in order to give enough breast milk to Bonnie who was going to watch Julia while Jai and I saw a movie after church. On Friday I worked with a postpartum doula, Joni M., (thanks to a wonderful baby shower gift from a co-worker) on using the breast pump & successfully pumped 1 oz. from one breast in only 5 minutes. I naively thought it would be easy to produce more for Sunday's date yet didn't pump anymore that day. We thought Jai could feed Julia (a treat for him!) and see how she'd react to the bottle nipple. No problemo - Julia will get her food however necessary! Of course I had to provide part 2 of J's meal. : ) However, I didn't realize how precious that 1 oz. would be!

Anyway, having a hard time ... didn't know how to feed Julia while storing milk. When do you do it when the baby nurses often?! I don't want Julia to be hungry. She already has these skinny arms & legs that make me call her "baby Gollum."

We (Jai) go to the computer and search the World Wide Web. : )

Despite the helpful information, I only managed to pump 2 oz. in 2 different sessions. Also Julia was very fussy and wouldn't sleep more than 10-15 minutes so that means Tara didn't sleep! At some point I said to myself I need a break. I realized that I had not been ALONE in 30+ days - like completely alone, not just taking a shower or taking a nap, but away! When Jai got back from dog park & grocery store I was going somewhere, anywhere (even though it was nasty & raining outside) for ONE hour.

Jai got home at 4:15pm, I told him the plan, gave him some instructions about Julia's last feeding and diaper change and I left. I drove to Ugly Mugs coffee shop near our house, got a piece of banana bread (yum!) (ironic since I make it all the time!), sat and read my 2 week old copy of EW. Heaven!

When I returned home at 5:30pm, I discovered an empty bottle ... the 2 oz. of pumped breast milk was gone! Jai hadn't heard/listened to my instructions and Julia seemed hungry and he fed her - he was so proud of his accomplishment. I said to Jai "I guess we're taking her to the movie with us ..." Then I went to the bathroom and cried for about 20 minutes! : (

I was so sad - how was I going to produce enough breast milk? I'd read that you have more milk earlier in the day and I struggled to get those 2 oz. However, you know Tara, I'm determined, I want to see a movie!

Jai said he didn't know why I was pumping, didn't remember the connection with the movie date and Bonnie. After talking with Jai about communication : ) and eating some dinner, I tried again & got 1 oz. out of me. This morning I woke early and got another 1.5 oz. before we left for church. Bonnie wanted 6 oz. - yeah, right! She almost got 1/2 of that!

I fed Julia at church and at Bonnie's house before Jai got there. We left at 1:20pm, show time is 1:40pm at Green Hills theater, got there to a long line. However, I had our seats at 1:39pm and saw previews as people continued to stroll into the theater and search frantically for seats. We saw "Slumdog Millionaire" which I think is the best picture of the year. It is awesome! It was fascinating to see scenes of India - almost 15 years since I traveled there though I didn't go to Mumbai (or Bombay as it was known then). However, the stories of poverty haven't changed.

We called Bonnie at 3:50pm. Julia was sound asleep. She'd already eaten the 2.5 oz. - Bonnie paced her : ) - though no need to rush. Actually we got there and visited with Bonnie & LJ, Julia was still asleep and didn't wake until we got home. HUGE success! : )

Bonnie and I have a DATE on Tuesday to see a sneak preview of "Revolutionary Road" (thanks to my Nashville Film Festival membership!). Jai will have the opportunity to watch Julia alone for a few hours ... hopefully I'll be successful at providing him with 6 oz. : )

Why Mothers are the Best Thing in the World!

... and husband and sister and friends ...

I feel very blessed to have lots of support. I am lucky to have my mom, Bonnie, in the same city. I realize that many people are not as fortunate to have family and friend support.

week 1 Jai was off work and at the hospital Tuesday-Thursday & then at home Friday-Monday, also Bonnie was with us at the hospital and home Tuesday-Saturday during the day
week 2 Jai returns to work on Tuesday, Bonnie is with us Monday-Friday during the day
week 3 Bonnie is with us on Monday, Susie arrives Monday night and stays with us until she leaves on Dec. 29, Jai was off Wednesday-Sunday
week 4 Bonnie was with us Monday & Tuesday during the day, my first day alone was Wednesday (New Year's Eve), Jai off for New Year's Day, again I'm alone on Friday

I really wonder how couples without resources, or especially single parents, handle the overwhelming work of being new parents. Despite the amount of reading Jai and I did and do, we constantly feel like we don't know what we're doing. Instinct and common sense help, but sometimes we are perplexed and paranoid about Julia's welfare, especially during the LONG crying moments.

Anyway, back to my mother. Bonnie was with us every day while at the hospital, then when we went home until my sister arrived and then Susie was with us until she returned to Phoenix. We suspect it was so Bonnie got to hold Julia as much as possible! : ) We're lucky she says hello to me and Jai before demanding to hold Ms. J. Sometimes she has to bide her time & visit with me if I'm breastfeeding when she gets to our house! : )

On the days she doesn't come to our house, she calls and checks on us. Bonnie is an invaluable resource - good suggestions, sounding board, confidence builder, especially with the breastfeeding challenges. Even though she didn't breastfeed Susie and I, she is constantly supportive and advocates for Julia and I to succeed.

Normally I see my mom regularly, usually every Sunday at church, and then at biweekly knitting group meetings. In addition I saw her almost every other week for healing sessions during most of the third trimester while pregnant. However, it has been really nice to have hours of time with her to talk about various topics, most parenting-related, especially during the many hours of breastfeeding.

Initially we processed the birth experience. I feel sad that we had to leave my mom alone in the L&D room as first I left to be prepped in the O.R. and then Jai joined me there. I remember hearing her say "make sure someone comes and tells me what happens." She was there to be our coach as well as welcome her first biological grandchild into the world and she lost that experience. Luckily she met Jai and Julia in the hallway as they went to the nursery.

I stare at Julia for hours and sometimes J looks like Bonnie which we all have noticed though usually I see Susie in her. That makes most people laugh since S and I are twins & therefore Julia looks like me! : ) However, Susie & I are not identical twins, despite some thinking otherwise. When I think of our baby pictures, I recall that S has a different shaped face, more oval shaped. Anyway, it has been neat for Bonnie to examine Julia for family features. She hadn't been able to identify with the other 4 grandchildren (my brother Joel is adopted if you didn't know) in that kind of way. However, we all think Julia looks like her cousin, Jaliyah (Joel's middle daughter) who ironically I think is most like my personality (though she enjoys playing in the dirt and gardening with Grandma Bonnie).

There are usually lots of funny stories when I think of my mom. She says and does funny things as do most of us. This one really surprised me. However, I will cut her some slack. It was a very visceral response to seeing and being with Julia - overwhelmed with the love.

We're in the hospital room.
B: I have to go shopping for an outfit for her.
T: ... WHAT?!
Bonnie: She's so adorable and I need to put her in something cute.
T: (sigh) Bonnie, you know how we feel about consumerism. She doesn't need a new outfit.
B: I know, but I want to put her in something!
T: We have plenty of clothes. You can go "shopping" at the "store" in the nursery at our house.

The next week when we're at home, Bonnie goes upstairs to the nursery while I'm feeding Julia. Bonnie is putting stuff away in Julia's dresser. Soonafter I hear exclamations of "oh, that's cute" and "so adorable!" as she looks through Julia's many outfits. Some of them are not fitting yet since she's so small still, but we're looking forward to all of the future choices for Grandma Bonnie.

Another funny story about Bonnie and Julia. When Jai and I were discussing our ideas for child care for the baby, we hoped that my mom might be willing and able to watch her for one day a week. We asked her about it and she said probably it would work, but she wasn't particularly committed, kind of vague. Once we learned of the lack of a flexible work schedule for Jai, we didn't worry too much about Bonnie's hesitation to commit.

Well, the other day she tells me about a new plan that involves her watching Julia one day. She also might get some others (Buddy, Lois) to help us for 2-3 days ... Julia truly has captured Grandma Bonnie's heart! She really thinks Susie won't be able to be separated from Julia and could be our nanny. : ) Also while I'm on maternity leave, I asked and she agreed to give me some time when I need a break (go to the dentist, see a movie, visit a friend). She said she was going to offer, but wasn't sure if it was too soon!

Love it! Love Bonnie! Thanks, Mom! : )

Separation of Duties

Julia mystifies

Tara feeds

Bonnie soothes

Jai cleans

Childbirth Education

Recently I had a fascinating conversation with Bonnie about our lack of childbirth education/preparation. Bonnie realized that neither I nor Jai had mentioned taking a class and wondered why. When I said we didn't take one, Bonnie was really concerned which surprised both of us. She kept asking how will we know what to do, how to breathe, be prepared for each stage of labor, on & on ... very unlike Bonnie's usually laid-back persona. I was not fazed; slightly perplexed by Bonnie's reaction but not questioning our decision. However, Bonnie wanted me to ask the midwife about the situation. : )

Therefore the next day, I (who usually has a list of questions, but that week didn't have any) discussed this particular question with the midwife. Basically it is not required or necessary, depends on the needs of the couple. Do we need information about Labor & Delivery process, newborn care, breastfeeding? It seems like the potential for information over-load, a large time commitment (class is 2 hours once a week for 6-8 weeks) as well as a financial cost.

Information can ease/alleviate anxieties and provide coping skills, but it is not necessary to get them via an organized class. There are lots of other ways to access information now (books, DVD, internet) and the midwife speculated that it could be a generational issue that developed out of a need for women to feel more empowered 30-40 years ago. It also depends on the personality of the couple. Some people are private and don't enjoy group experiences or being with strangers and others like sharing experiences about pregnancy and parenting.

The midwife shared that many midwifery clients do not attend childbirth classes. One reason is the different kind of prenatal care/interaction than with a traditional OB/GYN. I definitely agree that I converse often with the midwife about all kinds of questions which have occurred throughout the pregnancy.

Both of us read alot of books - that is one of our favorite ways to get information. We also saw the DVD "Business of Being Born" and saw lots of babies being born in a variety of settings and situations. Jai reads more stuff on the internet, but I do read some web-based resources. This weekend we spent some time talking about the stages of labor and possible issues and concerns, as well as ways, Jai can support me. It was helpful, but an organized childbirth education program isn't for us. We'll see how it goes very soon!

Waiting

I'm tired of waiting. 

Its feels like when I would have to wait for the year end report card. I was already on summer break, I knew they were coming but I didn't know when nor what they would look like. That's what this feels like.

WAAAAAA! 

Are you excited?

Everybody keeps asking me that.

I'm nervous not excited.

Father-to-be/Baby Shower #4

My lovely coworkers threw me a shower yesterday. My boss took the pictures, scroll through the photo stream below. It was a huge surprise in that I thought it would be only circulation staff (my department); it ended up being a whole library thing.

I'm a lucky guy.

Go here for photos.

The buzz has hit the fan

A week or so ago I sent out a mass email at work explaining that at some point in the near future I would be unexpectedly unavailable. At the same time my boss decided to throw a baby shower for me. Between the two events, people are constantly asking me "are you ready?," "how's your wife?" and "hello papa." It's sweet and nice to be liked, but the attention is a mixed bag. On one level I don't like the attention. I feel self-conscious and stupid even. On another level it is nice to know people like you.
Tara's comment: Welcome to my world for the past 6 months! : )

• "Am I ready?" I have no choice. I am nervous; I don't have any experience with babies.
  
• "How's my wife?" Tara is strong and confident. She looks as cute as ever. She's having some heartburn issues but other than that she's pushing through.
  
• "Hello papa." Yes, I'm gonna be a daddy. I'm nervous about the changes it will bring... no money, time or sleep, etc. I know I will be fine but holy crap!