Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Silver Linings

Again I find myself lucky to get on-line and check email and post my thoughts to the blog. Breastfeeding is an all-consuming job in addition to eating and sleeping and daily showering. : ) So many people said I wouldn't shower for a month. I really was confused about it; basically I have a minimum once-a-day policy regarding my personal hygiene. However, I used to have a policy about sleeping 7-9 hours a night ... that's definitely changed!

Here are some thoughts about the C-section. I grieved a lot the first few days after being home from the hospital. I was surprised at how strong my emotions were about the loss of natural childbirth and not seeing Julia born and held by us immediately. Instead we heard a voice on the other side of the blue drape announce "it's a girl." I cried and cried, especially during the early mornings as I dealt with the painful blocked milk ducts on limited sleep and sore nipples.

In hindsight I realize that the normal feelings of grief and loss apply to many kinds of situations. Denial, sadness, bargaining, anger, finally acceptance. Denial and bargaining don't really apply. However, I was SO angry and felt robbed, especially when I think about reaching 9 cm dilation ... I was there! I realize how close we were to delivering Julia at home because of not getting to the hospital sooner. I continue to work toward acceptance and Julia makes anything and everything possible!

Anyway, Jai jumped into the parent role quickly in the O.R. Here are some other positives.
1. Jai watched over Julia while the nursery and pediatric staff evaluated her vitals. He always was with her when it was necessary to go the nursery. He did a great job!
2. Many people commented on her "pretty" face which might have looked "ugly" if Julia had traveled through the birth canal. Some newborns emerge looking good! : )
3. With my physical limitations I cannot obsess over cleaning the house. That is definitely a good thing for me - I like things in order. It actually has been wonderful to have others cook, wash dishes and clothes and vacuum, clean the bathroom. Jai and I share a lot of household responsibilities, but it is always nice to take a break from it.

The first 6 weeks are so important to rest and focus on being a parent and bond with Julia. I find myself falling in love with her more each day!