Friday, June 20, 2008

Ultrasound #1 (14 weeks)

In between trips in June, Jai & I went to see my midwife for visit #2 and it happened to be on our anniversary (Jai was off as we traveled back from Providence that morning). We were excited for the opportunity to hear the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler machine. However, it wasn't to be that day. It was scary because the midwide (not Soheyl) said there were 2 possibilities. One was that there was something blocking access to the baby, like the placenta. Finally she said the other possibility ... NO HEARTBEAT. Oh, my gosh, now this thing got real! Prior to today the pregnancy hadn't seemed quite real. Basically I felt OK, I hadn't grown out of my regular clothes, and miscarriage was a lower risk at this point. However, the possibility of baby no longer living made me/us really sad, especially on our 3rd wedding anniversary and in anticipation of hearing an exciting sound. This baby was a real part of us and our lives now.

Jai would like to add
at that moment my heart sank, my stomach knotted, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be hopeful. I really hadn't thought much about the baby for many of the same reasons Tara explains but I just didn't know what to think.

Fortunately, Tara had a tennis match and we had Johnders with us so Tara went to play, Johnders and I went to the dog park at Centennial (btw, this is the crappiest of the dog parks in Nashville). This gave us a little time apart and a little time to focus on something else so we could come back together and be supportive and optimistic.

The suggestion was we have an ultrasound to confirm the baby's status. Unfortunately we had a late afternoon apppointment and wouldn't be able to check until the next morning and hopefully get an appointment. UGH! Talk about a bummer. To top it off, I had a tennis match in an hour and I was leaving for England in 2 days. Summer league (3.5 level) started in mid-June while I was out of town and I had many matches to reschedule and play. I guess it was a good distraction though I lost the match - the other woman was good! Neither of us said much that evening - we didn't know what to do or feel - be sad or scared or both. I'd read that sometimes you don't always hear the heartbeat with the Doppler machine even at 14 weeks. We didn't want to prepare ourselves for something still unknown.

The next morning Jai went to work and I called for an appointment as soon as possible. Fortunately I got an appointment at 1:00pm and arrived early ready for an answer. Once in the ultrasound room I hopped on the table/bed and the tech got started. Almost immediately there were images on the screen though I'm not sure what I'm seeing. However, the tech pointed out a blinky thing and answered my question of "what's that?" with "your baby's heartbeat." WHEW! I got a little teary eyed because again this was a reminder that this alien as I fondly refer to the fetus was REAL and alive. I have an anterior placenta which can cover the baby from foreign objects wanting to bother she or he.

Jai's lunch hour is 1-2pm so I left him a quick voicemail message and then called him again at 2pm to share the happy news. What a relief! The tech printed a few photos for us - they are fascinating to examine. You see such clear parts of the fetus yet still there are kind of fuzzy parts. It definitely looks more like a baby than not.

I didn't plan on having more than the one ultrasound at 20 weeks, but it felt good to see my alien's heartbeat.