Reality Check, 1-2-1-2

Until yesterday having a baby and being a stay-at-home dad was somewhere in the future. I knew the due date but it didn't mean a whole lot.

Yesterday I met with several upper level staff members (my boss, her boss, director of HR and director of Administration) about my future leave time and what not. I went in naïvely thinking there were possibilities of flex time or doing what I do part-time or something. During the meeting I was told in no uncertain terms that when my FMLA period has expired I will work at the will of the library. I imagine in more prosperous times flex, tele-commuting and whatnot might have been on the table but during this economic down turn there is no way the library can play with such ideas.

I'm not mad but I was served a true reality check. I might be able to work in the library but it will be part-time probably as a circ asst and who knows what my pay will be. As difficult as this job is I don't know how to feel about not doing it anymore. This presents tremendous opportunity - I will have little excuse for starting school or writing that book or who knows what - but it's gonna be hard too. Our income will drop about 40%, we'll have a baby and I will be the oddity known as stay-at-home dad.

My life is really about to change.

Baby Shower #2

Thanks to the G-ville crew for getting together a great show.
Niki, Tara P., Kris are Tara J.'s co-workers; they live in East Nashville/Madison area so we're neighbors as well as friends; Kris & Tara J. carpool 2 days a week.

Thanks to everybody who came and shared their loot with us.

Thanks to Bonnie for the new plant Aster Oblongifolius "Raydon's Favorite". I missed GroWild's sale day, but Bonnie went and picked up some cool stuff.

Go to Christopher Cotton's flickr for photos...

Business of Being Born

Last night we watched Rikki Lake's Business of Being Born. I saw this as sort of a Super Size Me for baby birthing. It is told from the perspective of home birth advocates and it shows the glory of that side while it shows traditional obstetricians as closed minded doctors who think you can only do birth with all the gadgets.

What I found most interesting is that the featured home birth advocates and midwives look at what they do as empowering. I see some of that - the field of obstetrics having turned the most natural of processes into something scary and clinical - but what I didn't understand was the pain of pregnancy being liberating. I guess you have to be a woman for that to make sense.

Tara had mentioned the possibility of home birth but it weirds me out. I'm a little more conventional and I am also a worrier so I think about what if there are problems and whatnot besides, insurance doesn't cover home birth which, they talk about in the movie. If you like these exposé type documentaries I would recommend it. Some of it was enlightening. Some of it I assumed and Tara knew. 

Warning: naked pregnant woman, surgery and childbirth are all explicitly shown.

Who's got the look?

Even though we're not going to learn the gender before delivery, we're (Tara mostly) really curious what the baby will look like.

Tara (only one of Tara without Susie even though she's not a baby):

Jai:

One down and another to go (for me)

Thanks to all of the Edgehillites who showed your love and support this past weekend. The baby shower was great. One of the attendees said we will have a well-read but naked baby. We got a bunch of great books and some clothes. It was funny.

I will miss the one at Tara's work, but we have one at the house next week and that should be pretty crazy.

Tara's side note: It was great! It was lots of fun, got to visit with some friends I don't see often. The clothes we received were "green" (either recycled (barely used) or organic/fair trade) items which was awesome! We actually have a few clothes from that consignment sale I went to in August. I got an email about another consignment sale in mid-November. I'll be taking a power nap to make that event - you know it! : ) I'm looking forward to the shower on Oct. 18 at our house. We worked on the nursery over the weekend, putting gifts away. We still need a crib and bassinet, but there's always Craig's List and Freecycle so we're going to evaluate our needs after the 3 showers.

Midwife visit # 5

Susie came with me this time since she was in town. All is going well. I gained 4 pounds since last visit 5 weeks ago. Overall I've gained 24 pounds so I'm happy and the nurse guesstimated I might gain about 10-12 more pounds in the remaining 10 weeks. As I say to Jai, "as long as I don't weigh more than you!" :)

It was fun for Susie to hear the baby's heartbeat; the midwife (Emma, another full-timer, I think I have 2 more to meet) said it is good and strong. They are all wicked nice and enthusiastic and they love that we're not finding out the gender. She had me sign the release about declining the gestational diabetes test. Actually Soheyl called me a few weeks ago to check in with me and discuss the pros and cons of doing the test and encourage me to keep eating healthy and watch carbs; Emma talked with me about that also.

Ironically Susie and I then got something to eat, quite a few carbs, not too many veggies. To top it off we went to Gigi's Cupcakes - yummalicious! If you haven't gone there and you live in Nashville, you must. I love cake, especially the frosting. These cupcakes are creative and artistic and also made daily so they are moist and the frosting is AWESOME!

Back to the midwife, I had a few questions for her ... of course. : )

• The baby makes these strange (to me) flutter movements - probably hiccups.
  
• Leg cramps - probably related to potassium and magnesium intake so banana-a-day.
  
• Heartburn - she commiserated & supported the natural remedies, but also mentioned OTC options like Tums & Pepto-Bismal; I'll see what happens.
  
• Discharge - UGH! You don't want to know. Though it's normal and common.
  

I mentioned to Emma that Jai & I went on the L&D tour at Vanderbilt and how reassuring it was to see the facilities. The people were really friendly and about 1/4 of the women in our tour are using a midwife so I didn't feel so alone. Even though I'd like for Soheyl to deliver our baby, if that's not possible, I feel certain that we will be comfortable with one of the other providers.

If Ethel Kennedy can do it, so can I! : )

Susie was in town the first week of October (her school has this brillant calendar of 9 week quarters with 2 weeks of break - awesome!) and we had a great time visiting. When she first saw me, she said "that is not a food baby!" She followed it with "and if it was, we have a problem!" We laughed and laughed - she taught me that phrase so it has special meaning.

As I wrote in an earlier post, Susie asked if we were going to play tennis and I said of course. Well, I didn't know how tired I would be in this trimester. Also I played tennis earlier in the week with a co-worker, Jeanie, and wondered how I'd feel by the weekend. All was fine, but I definitely had to be careful and try not to run or move too quickly - instinct and competitiveness kicks in despite a 7 month pregnant belly!

Another semi-regular tradition when Susie is in Nashville is we play doubles tennis with 2 male friends of ours. Usually we play mixed doubles, but for some reason Susie & I teamed up to play against them. It was fine, I really didn't think we'd play too long (Jeanie and I had only hit for 30 minutes on Monday). Susie & Tara together are uber-competitive and so are the guys; I felt good so we played one set (we won 6-4), then started a second set. The weather was pleasant, not too warm, nice breeze. I really didn't think we'd play long, but they were leading 3-1 and so we kept at it and pulled ahead to 5-3. Then we went back and forth until we tied at 6-6 ... tiebreaker time! The men started off well, got a lead of 5-1. Then I served some good points and amazingly we rallied to get to 6-6 and we finished with 8-6.

Final score: 6-4, 7-6. They were slightly bitter - "it really is not fair that the THREE of you beat us." : )

I'm not sure how much tennis I'll play as the weeks progress. I doubt much, but I look forward to the spring league starting in April and doing some clinics in February and March to prepare. It definitely will help with getting back in post-baby shape.

Jai adds: Tara forgot to mention that the story goes that Ethel Kennedy played tennis all nine months of at least one of her pregnancies and this is a reminder Bonnie (Tara's Mom) uses often.

To Touch or Not To Touch?

Is that REALLY the question?

Really? Seriously?

For me the question is WHY?

Why do people feel the need to touch a pregnant woman's belly? I find it extremely curious and perplexing, especially coming from strangers.

I was at a friend's baby shower recently and she has a nice basketball shape. Yet I have no desire to touch it. I've known her for 11 years, consider her a good friend, but that is not something I'm going to do.

Prior to being pregnant and then before I was "showing" I was determined that people wouldn't be touching my stomach. For the most part that has been true. However, there have been situations (at work with co-workers and even students, at church) in which it has happened - someone asked and I agreed or people moved quicker than I could block the hand making contact. I tolerated it. For some it has been OK. For others I find I step back or put my hand in front of me. It bothers me.

Again I'm curious about why we touch someone's stomach, stranger or friend. I guess I'm thinking if the baby moves a certain way and the pregnant person asks if you want to touch, OK, maybe I'd do it. Probably not though. My sister was in town this week and hadn't seen me since June when I was not visibly pregnant. Totally different situation now! : ) She didn't ask, I didn't ask, she didn't touch my stomach.

I appreciate when someone asks - at least that seems respectful.