"I'm healing"

To quote Julia when I asked her how her face/bruise was.

On Sunday evening, post dinner, Julia was upset about something & started slamming the hallway door.
Our doors are old so it wouldn't take much for them to break. I was in the kitchen, Jai was closer & gets to her first & grabs the door. Then I hear crying. Julia runs to me & I see a HUGE lump on her cheek, already a serious looking bruise! I am slightly worried that Jai might have snapped & ask "what happened" - he says the door stopped when he grabbed it, but Julia kept coming. "Door knob should have been at her waist" I said ... Jai replied with "our waist, not hers!" DUH! She's shorter than us! : )

We ice it & all seems OK ... of course it gets better - you know life with children is rarely boring!

On Monday morning AND afternoon I get phone calls from Julia's teacher & school counselor. Julia told her teachers that "her dad slammed her into the door knob." Luckily her teacher knows us well & wondered if there was more to this story so she called me. Maybe a little bit of professional courtesy, same with school counselor, but I would have completely understood if they'd made a DCS report. I've been in that situation - not sure what's truth, possible exaggeration or a child's perspective. It's not a fun place to be, but child's safety is paramount, more important than my pride or inconvenience as an employee & parent.

Jai's post yesterday speaks to some of Julia's emotional range. I have copies of Kelso's Choice, a conflict resolution program MNPS elementary school counselors present to students. Julia brought home materials in December so she is familiar with the language. I need to ask her school counselor to talk with her, someone different than us, to discuss her feelings & how to deal with anger & frustrations appropriately.

National School Counseling Week Feb. 3-7

I'm doing all kinds of activities at my school this year to promote SCW.
I had this t-shirt made. I love it & cannot wait to wear it 1 day next week.
Even if it's over a long sleeve shirt because it's SO cold, I'm wearing it.

SignatureSoft Women's T-shirts by Vistaprint

Isn't it cool?! : )

Child Rage

Julia is smart. Julia is confident. Julia is strong-willed. Julia is a pain.

Julia wants what she wants when she wants it & won't budge. Julia screams, yells, throws, hits & kicks when she doesn't get what she wants. Julia has learned a lot of bad behavior from one or two classmates in Kindergarten. 

Julia is also pushing the envelope of what is successful at home. She has bested me time & time again. Everyday we have a yelling match. Julia tells me "you're going to jail" or "I don't like you anymore" or "I won't like you till you die & then I'll miss you."

Julia gets very destructive which throws me into a tizzy. I cannot stand these rampages she goes on. Unfortunately, I too often respond with the same level of rage & frustration. I spend so much time reading about mindfulness & stress management, but when confronted by a frustrated 5 year old it all goes out the window!

We literally start each day with a fight about going to school, putting on lotion, putting on clothes or some combo of all of them. Her way of dealing is to become immobile & scream. I am trying not to be late AGAIN so I start to dress her & yell at her. All to no avail so we are crunched for time until finally I wrestle her clothes on. God, I sound like a monster, I feel like a monster but I am at wits end!

Downton Abbey's episode 4

Thank you, Ms. Hughes, for telling Bates 'part of the truth' about what happened to Anna during the opera house party. The whole truth will come out eventually. Mr. Gillingham (spelling??) is getting married to Ms. Lane Fox (as Mary likes to say her WHOLE name!), but he will be back at Downton Abbey & so will his AWFUL male servant.

Branson - I don't want you to move to America with little Sybie.

Downton Abbey's episode 3

You go Ms. Hughes! Way to get rid of Edna.

Oh, Edith, what are you doing?

Anna - please tell Mr. Bates!!

Signs, notes, lists - why?

Julia says to me this afternoon "Mommy, why are there so many notes & signs?" She is referring to the plethora of lists, signs, notes posted ALL over our house, on doors, walls, refrigerator, cabinets. This is mainly in the kitchen.

Well, sometimes I describe Julia as having some "Howard Hughes" moments with her piles of paper & organization of materials (mostly art supplies), so do I. Not particularly shocking as my OCD, type-A personality is known by many so I guess there's a bit of a genetic connection.

I like lists. I'll be honest. I really like my lists. I like making them, crossing off items, writing in different colors, making a new list when 1/2 is done because then it is messy.Yep, I'm sure I'd be a psychologist's dream for weird quirks. For example, I don't like my food to touch ... even though it all ends up in my stomach. It's not logical despite me being a person who likes logic.

Also Julia LOVES patterns. Numbers, words, letters, colors, gender, whatever you can think of, she points them out to us OFTEN! "oh, that's a pattern." "You are correct, Julia" we find ourselves saying often. Oh, the busy mind of a genius 5 year old who reads on a third grade level. Actually it's quite funny - most of the time. : )

annual meal of Chinese food

There are a few reasons why I rarely eat Chinese food anymore, once a year typically. I have a craving, I convince myself to respond to said craving. Then I eat the food and feel remorse as it wasn't as great as I expect. Another 11 months pass before I have memory loss and craving again. It's really disappointing because I've had yummy Chinese food - usually authentic stuff created by people in Chinatown with my Chinese-American friend.

Oh, well, maybe I'll resist in 2015 unless I'm in Chinatown with Pauline. : )

2 year old Well Child Check

26 pounds
33.5 inches long
44 cm head
50%tile or so for all of those measurements - good numbers for Jacqueline's growth curve.
All is well with dev. milestones ... potty training is next one.
Marty encouraged Julia to help Jac since she's experienced older sister. : )
Let's hope that works soon as I'm ready for no more diapers!

East End UMC

I don't know why I wait so long to write my posts! It is February 19, not January at all! : )

We've been visiting East End once a month since last summer. I didn't have a grand plan to make it this regular, but it is wonderful, and I'm glad we have created this monthly routine/ritual. We really like the people, everyone is so friendly & hospitable. It is so interesting being a visitor, after growing up in a church family for years, familiar & comfortable with who, what, where, how, why.

I know UMC traditions, Judi & Matt, who were at Edgehill for 8.5 years, are now at EEUMC, as well as Kris & her mom. It's also nice to be a visitor & observe what is going on, but not be in charge of anything or asked to be responsible.  The children's program is a big draw, lots of young children, many around the age of my girls. We participate in afternoon Sunday School each week, which is a great way to be involved more often than one time a month. Typically I drop off the girls & run errands, either 99 cents shopping at Goodwill or grocery shopping which is super helpful & convenient for 1.5 hours without children. Jai gets another break at home, too. He's usually cooking dinner, sometimes cleaning whatever he didn't finish that weekend. However, I am not participating, not getting to know church members or cultivating my spiritual development. I need to attend Adult Sunday School at least once a month. I attended Safe Santuctuary training in January & that was great, got to interact with some members & remind myself of safe church policies.

1/12/14
We're driving in 5 Points area on our way to church, Julia reading sign posts.
Julia: "Why is it called East End?"
Tara: "I don't know."

1/14/14
Jai: talking with Julia about him coming with us on the 1 Sunday each month we visit EEUMC
Julia: "It would be my pleasure."

Of course these comments make me laugh. So much of what Julia says is funny. She's a character.

This has been an interesting experience/process for our family, how Jai fits into church, especially since having children. He goes twice a year - Easter & Christmas Eve. He goes camping, potlucks, game night or whatever "fun" activities, but not regular Sunday attendance. Some of it is for practical purposes - Jai needs a break, us going to church for 2 hours gives him some time without children. Also Jai has always thought of Edgehill as weird.

Going to East End has been an adjustment for me in terms of the environmental factors. There are pews, tall ceilings, wood panels, organ, pastor sitting high up front, choir sitting high above everyone & behind pastor, stained glass, historic building, elaborate architecture.  It definitely is what I, and others, call "high church" - not typically my style. Yet it is a great compromise to incorporate Jai into family church routine - it's not every Sunday so he can still get his break 3 out of 4 Sundays.

If I wasn't so tied to Edgehill, I could see us going to East End on a regular basis. It is nice to be in a neighborhood church - worshiping in our community. I enjoy seeing people at Y, grocery store, restaurants - that is fun! Jai went to the Christmas program Julia was in. February will be the first time he attends worship service with us. Interesting! : )

Downton Abbey's episode 2 - OMG!!!

That is all I can say right now. So sad, so mad!
It is hard to describe how devastated I feel ... more so than when Matthew died (especially since I knew he wasn't returning in season 4 so death was a good guess!).
I know this is a TV show, but this happens to real people & it is SO wrong!

Also it's NOT over ... I cannot wait to see how it all plays out. I want justice!

Jac's Birthday #2

This was another funny birthday party.
It is typical for Julia & now Jacqueline to be running around & SHOUTING!
The noise in this house - I'm sure to some it wouldn't be a big deal, but it is loud to me.

Side note:
This post is actually 4 days later than Jacqueline's birthday ... oh, the woes of child #2.
We did celebrate on the day so that's something.

Again we had family only party as usual for Years 1-4 birthdays. Of course, Bonnie, came; we forgot to Skype with Susie like last year. We had a nice dinner of beef/lamb burgers, sweet potato fries & kale salad.

Gifts:
I haven't gotten her birthday book yet - tradition we started with Julia - hopefully this weekend it will happen. I couldn't remember if I'd gotten it for 1st birthday ... thank goodness for the blog!
I found 2012 post & we got her a cool gift.
Susie sent a fun card - Julia enjoyed opening it AND reading the message.
It was long, lots of folds, but Julia read what Susie had written. : )

Again BEST part of the birthday party was the cake! Jacqueline is truly a cake monster, she loves cake. As always she got excited when she saw it & said "me, me!" and pushed her plate my way. Unlike last year (when she hadn't had cake all of her first year, only observing us eat all kinds of desserts for months), 2013 has been the year of desserts for Jacqueline AND others. Too much dessert, we definitely need to decrease our intake of sweets. The pounds after 40 are hard to get off!

Side note:
Julia is a crazed fiend for any kind of candy. We finally threw away all of her candy collection as she has been hiding & "stealing" to eat it without permission, especially when we say no.
Ugh, this is a sucktastic development phase - independence & autonomy. It is good and appropriate, but I supremely dislike attitude ... wondering where she gets it?!: )
My mom laughed at us when we "complained" - she said "right now you're bigger than her." UGH! I know!

Back to cake. : ) I made a carob cake instead of usual apple sauce. She's been eating anything & everything, all kinds of different sugary desserts in 2013, including CHOCOLATE - nothing like the rules we had for Julia. However, I had some carob powder that "expires" soon. Also they both still LOVE to eat apple sauce by the gallon it seems. Plus I feel less guilt with the "hippie chocolate" - carob is actually a beneficial spice for Type O blood people. I like it a lot too and so do Jac & Julia. Jai tolerates it; he eats his piece with no hesitation. : ) This time, I made sure the piece she received was a reasonable, safe size, hopefully not likely to choke on it. It would be unfortunate to choke on your birthday cake!

There was something funny she did, cannot remember what now, hopefully Jai got some good video. I had to remind him to get his camera & take some photos, otherwise we would have to recreate the moment. Again, woe it is to be child #2. They are lucky to get fed, bathed, clothed ... yet Jacqueline is fortunate she gets that & much more. She is a well loved & cherished child in our family & beyond!

Thanks for another great year, Jacqueline!

Queen of Condiments

Jaccqueline cannot keep her hands off condiments and spices we have on the kitchen counter. Tara and I have both turned around or walked back into the kitchen to find the bottle of Braggs in her mouth or cumin or coffee - her favorites - piled high in front of her.

Kinda funny but you never know what she's gonna do.

Downton Abbey returns!

Hallejah! I am so excited that season 4 started yesterday.
It was SO good! I am happy it's back on TV (in the US)!
I'll write more hopefully as series continues in January & February - 8 episodes. WOO HOO!!! : )