Spring of Full(er) Integration

Tara posted recently about giving herself over to our marriage, child and each other more fully. I too have had to come to terms with that concept. I haven't been forthright with her about my finances which has been a burden on me because I knew I should tell her the full extent of my debt but I didn't because among other things, I thought I could handle it. We have had several meetings about our finances and each time Tara gets a little more info about where I'm at but in this electronic age I never had paperwork to show her what was going on and for whatever reason, she never asked me to pull it up on the computer. Now, in the grand scheme of things the debt is handlable. Our house isn't gonna be taken away, our cars are safe but - and here's where I never considered the family - we are extremely limited with savings for the future and comfort money and following that through, we are now limited on vacation time b/c I took a weekend job. Of course, these are luxuries to many but b/c of my poor money management they are not luxuries we can afford although we should've been able to. 

There are all sorts of personal reasons why I didn't disclose fully my situation but none of them hold water. I find it hard to allow myself to justify personal behavior and decisions to anyone considering my last experience with that was explaining my reasons to my parents.

So, now my debts are in the open and to more fully integrate myself  I have submitted to following the Blood-Type Diet. Tara is a firm believer in this diet but I am completely skeptical. I opened my big mouth and told Tara there are all sorts of variations of the original book, one of which is related to getting and being pregnant, which is a category we are in. We are trying to get pregnant again. Tara saw in that book a tip for a more successful conception is to have both partners follow their respective diet plans. Well, that's why I am on board. Although I am skeptical I will follow the plan. I could always lose some weight and even if the blood type diet makes no sense to me if it results in lower blood pressure I'll take it. So, until we get pregnant, stop trying to get pregnant or my blood pressure drops significantly I am on the blood-type diet.

Integration is a lifetime effort and until I die I promise to continue to become more integrated in this marriage and all other relationships which I am partner. Now, let's see if I strength to follow through with the promise.