Sooo? How's it going..?

Filled with pregnant pauses, I get this question every time I talk to somebody about my career change.

Well...(insert pregnant pause)

It is going pretty darn good for me and I think for Julia too. I knew and I'm pretty sure Tara knew that this type situation works better for me than Tara. Why? (insert pregnant pause) Because I don't work well with narrowly defined schedules, I need room to grow, at least that's the way I like to think of it. Now, don't get me wrong. I've been as frustrated and thrown off as the next person when Julia changes her own schedule but my disregard for scheduled events makes it much easier to roll with the punches.

The stay at home thing is also hazardous for me b/c I am such a procrastinator. I can leave a task unfinished AND I can find excuses to do other things instead. A free flowing schedule like feed Julia after she wakes, try to get Julia back to sleep until she wakes again and repeat gives me a crap load of latitude. I can make the best of it but more often than not I make the least of it.

So far I have spent far more time in the kitchen than I ever imagined I would. If I'm not eating I'm feeding, if I'm not preparing I'm cleaning. I have been able to space out the house cleaning so I don't feel nearly as rushed on the weekend - this is probably the best thing so far. I hate cleaning and even more I hate having a deadline for it. Some cleaning I do more often...the floors. Johnders sheds constantly. I find myself dry mopping or vacuuming some floor in this house pretty much every other day. Outside...well its been too hot. I haven't done any additional gardening, I'm not ahead on any lawn or shrubs.

We've gone to the park, mostly Shelby Bottoms, a few times. Again, its been so hot that I can't take Julia, Johnders nor myself out in the heat for too long. We've been to the library once, Davis-Kidd once, we've gone to the grocery store umpteen times. We haven't hung out at any coffee shops yet nor have we done any children social activities yet. I've watched some but not an insane amount of TV.

I am not bored. I am not lonely. I quite enjoy my conversationless hours and the noisy baby (sometimes). I spend more time with Johnders - never as much as he wants but more - and I always excited to see Tara come home.

Our First Day Together

Tara left for a new school year around 8am this morning and from then until 4pm it was all me, Julia & Johnders.

Here's what the day looked like.

8am - Tara left. I attempted to get a very active baby to sleep...no success in the crib so I shaved (it had been a couple of weeks)
9am - Julia still awake, meaning no early AM nap. Jai pulls out the sling Tara has so much trouble with and surprisingly tucks Julia in neatly. She immediately stops all noise and just sits there, staring. We get Johnders for breakfast, my 2nd cup of coffee and a game of "Battle for Middle Earth II" (yes, you can call me a geek). Julia dozes off for about 20 minutes.
10am - phone wakes Julia (still in sling, in my lap), I get Julia's milk ready. I, nor Julia, like the Adiri bottle. So I went back to the special needs feeder on regular bottle and she finished it. After some silliness and a big yawn we tried for another nap.
10:50am - Julia and I lay down on the sofa. After some fussing on her part we both doze.
11:30am - I transfer her to the crib and finally a nap
1pm - Lunch & Home Depot
2pm - grill pattypan squash and wait for Tara to come home.

Nothing really eventful but Julia won't sleep. Even now at 8pm with a 2 hour nap at lunch she doesn't want to sleep.

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Office Crushes

I've had a job every year of my life since I was 15. I have had at least one crush on a coworker at everyone of those jobs, although I don't remember much about the object of affection on my first job (Friedman's Army Surplus). Most of these were purely physical attraction, most of the objects were attached to somebody else and I wouldn't have had the nerve to ask any of them out anyway. Part personality, shyness, and part ethics, I always thought it would be difficult - if not, wrong - to date someone at the same time you worked with them.

As I got older these crushes became more mature ranging from attraction to brother-sister to "work spouse" and sometimes a combo. It brightens my day to see these people (almost exclusively women - I don't think I would call my guy friends crushes, although I have had a man-crush or two). Working with them makes the day go by faster and makes me feel like some burden has been lifted a little.

Having become a part-time stay-at-home dad I have developed my biggest crush ever. Julia has me smitten. She wakes up and it takes a split second for her to realize where she is or who I am but she gives me a big gummy smile that melts me. I hear her talk or screech wherever I am and I have to smile. I walk in the room when she is sleeping and I can just stare at her for an eternity. Time flies when we are playing or reading or eating...the things you have to do when your work is to care for a child. But it might be a case of too much of a good thing isn't so good.

I don't get near as much work done when I am around her. The slightest things she doesn't keep me hanging on for more. I can't seem to get the laundry or cleaning done but I have made pretty good use of my time. Anyway, I thought it was approipriate (possibly the first time an office crush is appropriate!!) to share my newest office crush.

Returning to my other job: 4 more weeks

I am scheduled to return to work at Goodlettsville Middle School on April 29. That is when my FMLA ends; otherwise I have to pay 100% of our health insurance (don't want to do that - EXPENSIVE!).

If I don't go back and get on payroll, I won't get paid this summer. 3 more months of no income is not a good choice, especially with the current economic situation.

I'm looking forward to leaving the house and driving to work in my car ALONE. 20 minutes of commuting alone time - ahhh, sounds wonderful! No carpool either, sorry environment!

I love you, Julia, but mommy needs a break.

Bonus: it will be only 4 weeks before June and then I'll be home again for 2 months. Jai will get a practice run at being a SAHD (stay-at-home-dad).

TIME ALONE
MONEY
HEALTH INSURANCE
WORK COMPETENCE - I hope after 4 months I still have it! : )
4 WEEKS UNTIL SUMMER BREAK
JOY TO RETURN AND SEE JULIA

Those are some good things about returning to work!

Reality Check, 1-2-1-2

Until yesterday having a baby and being a stay-at-home dad was somewhere in the future. I knew the due date but it didn't mean a whole lot.

Yesterday I met with several upper level staff members (my boss, her boss, director of HR and director of Administration) about my future leave time and what not. I went in naïvely thinking there were possibilities of flex time or doing what I do part-time or something. During the meeting I was told in no uncertain terms that when my FMLA period has expired I will work at the will of the library. I imagine in more prosperous times flex, tele-commuting and whatnot might have been on the table but during this economic down turn there is no way the library can play with such ideas.

I'm not mad but I was served a true reality check. I might be able to work in the library but it will be part-time probably as a circ asst and who knows what my pay will be. As difficult as this job is I don't know how to feel about not doing it anymore. This presents tremendous opportunity - I will have little excuse for starting school or writing that book or who knows what - but it's gonna be hard too. Our income will drop about 40%, we'll have a baby and I will be the oddity known as stay-at-home dad.

My life is really about to change.